miserable exuberance

Week One: E is for Epic

2012-02-03T12:48:00.003-05:00

Well, I guess there's nothing like waking up at 2 am on a warm winter day.

Seriously, it seems like everything is out of order this week. What helps with my understanding, is the fact that all of the programs that are used to develop graphics at the News 14 Weather Center are the same programs I used at WABC-TV in New York. This way I've been able to quickly recollect everything I learned about WSI Show FX 2 years ago and just spit it back out again. This not only made the internship a bit easier to handle, but it helped keep me from getting too frustrated this week.

I quickly realized that having an internship is exactly like having a job, at least in terms of time commitment. If I wasn't taking classes this semester, then the internship would be a breeze. I would be nocturnal, but it would be a breeze. So having 1 test, 1 presentation, and 2 quizzes along with the internship made my week more like a hurricane force wind than a breeze.

Needless to say, working with Lee has been going really well! I'm looking forward to getting more practice time in front of the camera sometime soon so I can start sending some applications out in late February or early March. Real world here I come...

New Year, Old Life

2012-01-04T16:06:00.004-05:00

Finally I'll be writing again soon! I will be starting a new internship in Raleigh, NC in late January with News 14 Carolina and I plan to journal each day. I'll be going in twice a week (Tuesday and Thursday) from 3:30 AM to 6:30 AM, so while my entries will be recording the early hours of the morning, they will be busy.

I'm glad to be starting something new, because honestly school has been somewhat repetitive lately. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it a lot, I'm at a great school with great people and amazing teachers, but its starting to feel like I want something else.

If you're not aware of my plans, then I should probably tell you that this restless body is going to fit nicely in its future. I plan to start my career after graduating North Carolina State University with a Bachelors of Science degree in Meteorology in May. Following that, I'll hopefully have a job working as a television meteorologist somewhere in the country where I'll live for a few years, then move some where else a few times and ultimately end up settling in Raleigh, New York, or somewhere else on the east coast.

This lifestyle might not sound desirable, but it sounds exciting for me. There is of course a long process of preparations to go about applying for Weathercasting jobs, not to mention graduating college, but I've got a head start thanks to my internships.

Looking forward to writing about the experiences I'll have at News 14, along with many others on my road to new chapters in my life.

Home and Back Again

2011-01-01T17:26:00.014-05:00

It might be a bit cliché but I found that cliché or not, it seemed okay to write about something since I haven't written in a while.

I'll spare you the pleasantries of what I've been up to in the interest of your time and just fill you in on the past 24 hours. Which will take me to showing you the photo on the left.
Its up in New Hampshire at a place called Twin Lake Villa, somewhere I used to go with my family when I was 10 or 11. It was like one of those rendezvous points where everyone in the extended family could meet up for a week to catch up. This is the lake we'd all go down to during the afternoons, only instead of swimming in it, this time I was standing on it. If you've stood on a giant piece of ice like this, you know it can be pretty awesome because it suddenly starts to look a lot like a desert and yet you're terrified to take another step, just waiting for the ground to sound like it starts to break - and then you plummet.

Fortunately that didn't happen. But it was a little trip in the middle of a weekend at my Aunt & Uncle's place in Manchester-By-The-Sea in Massachusetts just outside of Boston. The blizzard we had on Long Island left a ton of snow everywhere in the North East, so wherever we went, we ended up finding something to do outdoors that ultimately just got us cold and wet and made us crave the warmth of the living room fireplace. But last night instead of partying we chose to be lazy and sat around the TV watching an old Paul Newman movie and pausing for the ball drop only to go back to finishing the movie and going to bed...don't get me wrong, it was still fun, but it took me forever to fall asleep.

I couldn't get over the fact that there was a woman in the movie who had taken her own life because she lost her reputation from attacks on her in a newspaper article. It seemed so pointless that you would go to that measure or that you would be so upset about something to kill yourself. An hour and forty-eight minutes into this year and I started to consider then what a move like that actually meant. Because the Bible talks about God loving us so much that He came to earth to die for us so that we could believe it and be able to go to Heaven with Him. If in fact the story is true, then I think we have to ask ourselves something - WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE DO THAT?

What kind of love for someone else would drive you to letting yourself be killed so that you could be with them forever? If the story is true, (and there's plenty more to it than I'm saying) then we must have no idea of how much God loves us, that He would die to have us be with Him. From that, we have to realize that we must mean so much to Him after all. So many people will search through the world to discover something going North, South, East, and West and even to outer space, but one direction I wish people would spend more time going to to find something new would be to discover what is inside ourselves.

I believe what the Bible says is true, and that makes me wonder just how important we are! It talks about how God created nature for us and our enjoyment. So I say, heck yeah lets get out there and see how awesome the Grand Canyon or the Himalayan Mountains or the Pacific Ocean or even Antartica really is. But even more, whats inside each and every one of us, because God loved us enough to die for us, and who wouldn't want to believe in that? Because that will lead us to find out more about Him and who He really is!

I thought about that all night, and for whatever insane reason, it made more sense to start off the New Year jumping in the 37 degree Atlantic Ocean at 7 AM, than to sleep in. So that's what I did - check out that sunrise.

Goodbye 2010.
Hello 2011.
A year for discovery.

WABC-TV: The Conclusion

2010-08-01T16:14:00.006-04:00

It's an exciting thing to be commuting regularly into New York City, and for those that have not yet done so, I highly recommend it. For those of you who do it all the time and are fed up with it, you have you're own story. Here's is mine...

Once again for all those of you who are just catching up, I spent my summer (11 weeks) interning with the Weather Team of WABC-TV in New York. This includes Bill Evans, Lee Goldberg, Heidi Jones, and Jeff Smith, and I learned something from them that cannot be taught. I discovered a career that I was designed for by introducing myself to a whole new meaning of "confidence" and "urgency". It whetted my appetite for this job and got me closer to understanding the routine tasks of a 'top-notch' weather broadcaster.

I have to write a 15 page paper on my experience but that shouldn't be too hard since I'll be writing about laying down the foundations of my career!

To all the staff at WABC-TV who helped me, encouraged me and even just said hello, I am too grateful for words. Thank you.

Now that classes have started, its back to the grind again. Fortunately for NC State's student body involvement in everything that this school offers my friend Robby and I may start a weather broadcast on the college radio 88.1 WKNC, where we would give weather forecasts for the day to the RDU area. Its in the works, and its looking good!

WABC-TV: Day 50

2010-07-28T22:58:00.007-04:00

This is the last day...

I have learned SO much in the past eleven weeks, and I am literally speechless to give you any concluding descriptions of what its like to work with the top weather broadcasters in the country.

I'll finish up with this...for today...
http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/video?id=7582643
Conclusion to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 36

2010-07-16T00:34:00.005-04:00

Three weeks later and here we are...

Sorry for the lack of updates folks, but "breaking news" is fairly quiet on the internship front these days. Lots of people are out on vacation and it seems like every week someone has returned or left for the week.

Needless to say, that has made my life quite interesting as I find myself and a select other things to be constant around here. Of course, the weather is always changing so that has left things to go awry at times.

We hit 103 degrees for our high last Tuesday, and it ended up stretching above 100 the following day as well. The best part about this was getting to do hands on discovery to reveal why and how this happened. Just for your personal information, we had really low dew points (the measure of moisture in the air), and since the ground was so dry, all the heat that came through spent its entire energy in heating up the air instead of evaporating water. So then boom, heat wave! Newark, NJ had 4 days of 100+ temperatures which was the 3rd time that that ever happened in history. An eventful week for them to say the least.

Heidi Jones has been filling in for Bill Evans since he's been away for the past two weeks, and let me tell ya, its still just as awesome. Bill has quite the sense of humor and liberal attitude about life that's just fun to be around. Still, Heidi has been showing me how much fun you can have at this job and giving more advice on how to become a "Weatherman" than I could ever hope for. She gave me the scoop-on-the-troop if you will, giving me a good look on how this business changes you to become more and more comfortable on TV after practice, practice, and more practice. Above all, she's given me the excitement I need to pursue this career harder more than ever - and she makes it all sound so real!

Oh and I met Sam Champion. Totally by surprise. I had walked by him on 9th ave without even knowing it until my sister pointed out to me, so I was relieved that I hadn't missed my last chance when I saw him walk in the office.

I spent a few free minutes glancing at old WABC-TV videos and some of his weather-casts just thinking, "I can't believe I could eventually start doing the same things that all these people are already doing!...What am I getting myself into!?" But I'm pacing myself, I'm ready to start this as soon as I can whether the job market is ready to handle it or not!

More details to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 24 (continued)

2010-06-25T09:26:00.005-04:00

All right, let's get down to business.

I've just come out of the two busiest weeks of my life, yeah even busier than school mostly because the level of importance this has. Severe weather, earthquakes, and the circus are responsible for all the activity so you can imagine that the office was going crazy.

Lets start with last Thursday. I went to Coney Island with Bill Evans to do a live shot, we took a trip to "The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey's The Greatest Show On Earth", which by the way is only $10 a night! We got there at approximately 4:30 AM and Bill went on air only a half hour later. There were a bunch of people there involved with the circus like the main director and a few coordinators for the media. We were the only news crew there which was nice, but I think that Bill has done this a few times in the past so he knew everyone there.

My job was to coordinate with the other interns back at the studio which graphics Bill wanted up while he was doing the weather. He would let me know which ones specifically he wanted, like the graphics for when he appeared on air every 7 minutes, then for every 15 minutes, and for the top and bottom of the hours. They would have to advance each graphic back at the studio which Bill was on the air. It was a bit tricky but we got it done! I got to get an up close look at some safari-esque wildlife and see a few blunders and was well worth getting out of bed at 1 AM.

As for Wednesday, I was in for Lee Goldberg and we dealt with a 5.0 magnitude earthquake near Ottawa, Canada. The very second I came into work it was go-time mostly because I got in at about 2 PM and the earthquake occurred at 1:41 PM. From there Lee had to get to doing the weather forecasts and make sure that everything was ready for 5PM air time. I was in charge of getting all the facts I could about this quake and where the after shocks were hitting. I hardly knew anything about earthquakes so I got a pretty good brief lesson from all the stuff I found out yesterday. Things like horizontal acceleration and how long aftershocks can occur for after the main shock and the different levels of the Richter scale all became a little bit more clear to me yesterday. It ended up going very well and I was able to give a good amount of credible information to Lee and the News Team.

But then yesterday happened and it made Wednesday look like practice. There was a TON of severe weather hitting the tri-state area with almost 80mph winds in some parts of Connecticut. Even Laguardia Airport hat 62mph wind gusts. This ended up brining trees down and some golfball sized hail down in the farthest north parts of Queens. So my job wasn't just the normal forecast and wait for 5 o'clock day, I took charge over rendering some graphics and to keep updated on the Storm Reports over what was going on in New Jersey, New York, the boroughs, Connecticut, and Long Island. Overall, everything went well again and we were able to give out a lot of helpful information to people who were being attacked by these storms.

I haven't felt this good about pursuing this career, ever. I know that this is definitely something I'm going to pursue and I'm just so glad that I get to experience a place like this! I can't explain the kind of rush it is being there in all the craziness, it's unreal!

More details to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 24

2010-06-24T23:21:00.003-04:00

Whoa.

It's been too long, almost 3 weeks since my last post but I could've sworn I posted last week!

We had an earth quake's aftershocks hit us yesterday, and then today we had the affects of some severe weather in our area. It's been one heck of a week.

Last week I went on a trip to the Circus with Bill Evans too! Ahhh! I have so much to write about but I'm so tired can you wait till tomorrow?!

More details to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 18

2010-06-02T08:52:00.004-04:00

Last week was really hard. Now I know what its like commuting into New York City with only 6 hours of sleep in 2 days. I have no idea why it happened, I was completely exhausted Sunday and Monday night I just couldn't force myself to fall asleep that early.

This week has been great so far! But let me tell you the awesome part of last week first...

4:35 AM - Monday, Bill had still not shown up and I was starting to worry what was going on. Like my normal routine I prepared the graphics for Bill to use during his 5 and 6 AM shows, but there was no presenter to be found! Finally the executive producer comes up to me,

"What do you have so far Tom?"
"Everything is set to go! Where's Bill?"
"He's running a little late, let me take a look."

I show him the forecast for the day and week ahead and explain the storm system we're monitoring later on in the week.

"Ok ok ok ok that's good."

Moments later, I get a call on the office line,

"Tom, its Bill here."
"Hey Bill! Where are you?"
"I'm doing 90 down I-95 right now, so I'm gonna be a little late. Do you have a suit and tie on?"
"Well...yeah, but..."
"Well, you better get ready then, I'll see you soon." *Click*

That's basically the preface of what happened and for a few seconds I was both thrilled and terrified at the prospect of appearing on the tv screens of millions of groggy New Yorkers. Finally, the exec returned with news of salvation, Jeff the guy who does weekend mornings was coming to the rescue! And now I was feeling partly relieved and remission of the fact that I had missed something like this. Nevertheless, it was definitely for the best.

Waking up early is getting easier. In fact, I'll be getting up early 3 days instead of 2 this week. Bill has asked me to help him as his "field producer" on Thursday when he does a story at Coney Island during the Good Morning America time slot. That's 7-9am EST for all you early risers out there. Check it out!

More details to follow...

P.S. I have yet to watch a World Cup match where someone actually wins, so whether or not they occur (Brazil) I'm beginning to doubt their existence.

WABC-TV: Day 8

2010-05-27T21:29:00.004-04:00

Severe weather today!

All afternoon, from the time I got to work at 2:00 pm till the time I left around 6:45 pm, we were all monitoring the severe weather about to come across our area. The movement of thunderstorms can be tricky to predict.

All across southern NY and north-western NJ small thunderstorm cells were breaking out and progressing towards the city. The thing about having storm cells move closer to the water is that the thunderstorms have very unstable air inside them, whereas the coast has much more stable air, thus weakening the storms.

Having said that, we made the forecast based on our prediction of the storms weakening before hitting the city and Long Island, and the first thing I encountered when I stepped out of the office was BOOM! Thunder, down pouring rain, and a little hail fell from the sky quicker than I could say "Miscalculation!". So we just got a few passing showers and a little more lightening than we expected, no biggie!

Weather can be a funny thing...

More details to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 6

2010-05-25T17:55:00.007-04:00

For the most part, I've never been more excited in my life to wake out of bed and head out of the house for work at 4 A.M. the internship is everything I thought it would be and more!

Lately, besides compiling the graphics for the shows for Bill and Lee, I've been doing a good bit of reading. Nothing particularly difficult...fine...I'll just say it, I have to read "Weather for Dummies" and "The Idiot's Guide to Weather", for REFERENCE ok?! It's so I can put a complex science like Meteorology on a level so you knuckleheads can understand it :)

In addition, Issac's Storm and Storm, one non-fiction and one fiction respectively. They're great stories about weather adventures and telling the story of weather through the eyes of someone who is particularly fascinated with the way the sky "works". At least, I like to think of it that way.

Lately nothing special has been going on around the office, there is influencing the decision for the location of SuperBowl XLVIII, but that's not a big deal right? Actually, a fellow intern and I put together a presentation for our mentor Bill Evans to broadcast to ESPN to sway the decision of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and whaddya know, WE GOT IT! We like to think that we helped make it possible, but no need to thank us :)

More details to follow...

WABC-TV: Day 3

2010-05-19T10:24:00.003-04:00

No, you're not missing days 1 or 2 but I decided instead of trying to keep up with every single day, I'd just write whenever I had the time, which looks like it will be at least 2 or 3 times a week at most.

Let me give you an idea of what my schedule has been like so far...
Monday and Tuesday I work from 4 A.M. 'til 12:30 P.M. and then Wednesday and Thursday from 2:30 P.M. 'til 6:30 P.M. This is all subject to change because I really would like to do it as often as I could, but I think I'll start off with this and then train my body to do more and more as it goes on.

And boy is it going! If this internship was a pool, I just dove in head first. Sunday I had such a hard time going to bed at 5 P.M. which was what I would've had to do to get enough sleep, which I didn't. I didn't fall asleep until 8:30 P.M. Then I woke up at 12:30 A.M. so I got about 4 hours of sleep, not bad for the first day. I got to the train at about 2:10 and then left on a westbound train at 2:30. From there I got out at Penn Station and walked over to grab a subway uptown to the studio, walked a few blocks and was there in no time. At about 4:15 A.M I met my mentor, and he is one heck of a guy! Once we got to the computers, he threw me into working the weather graphics full swing! I now know how to compile graphics for the weather slides, how to render each slide and que it. Its pretty exciting seeing something you create get displayed to millions of people.

Yesterday was pretty much the same, more and more experience is what I'll be getting each day. More and more knowledge, but I won't divulge all the secrets of being a weatherman intern to you. Its mostly just a lot of fun. Actually its ALL just a lot of fun.

I got to meet the weekday morning news anchors Ken Rosato and Lori Stokes and many of the others on the news team are to come. Everyone has been very friendly and hospitable to me and I'm so glad I get to participate in this! Today I'll get on a train at 1 P.M. and arrive at work at around 2:30 P.M. home for dinner at 8 P.M.

More details to follow...

$10 a Day

2010-05-09T20:13:00.005-04:00

It may not sound like much, but it will be my salary this summer.

My job?

I'm working as an intern for ABC News in Manhattan, NY with head meteorologists Bill Evans and Lee Goldberg.

Pretty cool huh? This isn't the building, but it's a few blocks away from here. In all honesty, I don't care where it is, whether its in New York or Raleigh, it doesn't make a big difference. What I care about is an experience other than growing up doing the same thing every summer.

It seems like decades ago when I was going through the drudgery of carrying golf clubs as a caddy and making sandwiches as a deli clerk. Despite the fact that I'll be getting up at 2 in the morning to get into the studio by 4 A.M., I'm thanking God that I don't have the same repetitive schedule I did last year.

Needless to say, I realize that that is most often what careers become, your everyday schedule that might become monotonous and even boring. Perhaps that's why I chose meteorology as my career path - because it's always changing, and even today its become the topic of discussion on every newspaper.

We'll see. I'm not going in with any expectations. I just want to see what this is like.

Have a great summer!

(...More Details to Follow...)

Horizons

2010-05-03T17:49:00.003-04:00

When at last, my hope had gone
I made myself look toward the dawn,
to remember the risen son
and face that He is soon to come.

Ambitious Amnesia

2010-04-20T02:04:00.006-04:00

Why would the memory do that to me
I thought I could drive while falling asleep
My memory took hold, and turned off the road
for a valley of sorrow so deep.

Leaves of sentiments trees of nostalgia
Flora that tickled my flesh to the bones
The image kept growing thick in my head
Like the pain from bite of the stones.

Til' a tree blocked my way to darker scenes
Surrounding the cavity with its skin
The wind cried summons for me to answer
Redemption is soon to begin.

"From where you go", cried the wind in the sky,
"...to a land that's bound to breathe your free touch -
you mustn't be feeling lost and alone
they're no more useful than a crutch."

Memory, nearly had broken me down.
He closed in the walls from outside-in.
I wouldn't be able to speak today
If not for the wisdom of Wind.

2010-04-09T12:46:00.003-04:00

If i had to chose to live with you,
or live by myself and be set -
i don't know which path i would take,
but i'd rather not live with regret.

Spring Break

2010-03-21T21:03:00.012-04:00

I'm a bum at heart. There are rarely times when I feel productive enough to even give myself a pat on the back. Sometimes I can waste days just for passing time - so I'm sure you can imagine that working all week for spring break would give me something to write about.

Here's a facebook definition of what I did over spring break:

"College students from NC State are joining together to serve Raleigh through lasting partnerships with Hunter Elementary and the Raleigh Boys Club."

Look closely, you'll see that 75 college students decided to stay where they were and not go home let alone to the exotic events that usually take place.

This was a life changing experience - and I mean that as cliche as it sounds. But when you think about it, everybody is talking about the meaning of life these days, and I think I'm on to something. Lots of people think its about being happy and living a life that you can look back on and be satisfied with. Still, I think its more than that, in fact, I think its much more than that. It starts by gaining that satisfaction I feel like that starts with loving each other. From the looks on their faces and the tears in their eyes I could tell that we really affected the people at Hunter Elementary School and the Boys Club. Not only did we bring about change and bring them happiness, but we also showed them we cared - we showed them we loved them. It then brought us happiness to know that we had made an impression on their lives, and knowing that was enough to leave us satisfied with what we did.

Even so, "satisfied" doesn't mean we should stop here. I don't think anyone who is committed to community service has ever been ready to stop at 100 hours of their time. Its a way of life!

I saw this photo outside the gymnasium at the Boy's Club one day. The poster was coupled with an advertisement (not shown) for signing up for community Baseball teams. It made me think about how outside of the Boy's club tryouts for a Baseball team could be pretty competitive and coming to this place made you feel more accepted and loved. A place that no matter what skill level you were, you were guarenteed to play on a ball team. That would be appealing to look forward to for the fun of the sport and also to look forward to not being teased or made fun of (I might be speaking from experience).

We were all glad to be a part of that community of loving the kids and being there for them - the hard part, of course, was leaving them. Hopefully, there will be opportunities to volunteer in the future, because I definitely had a great time doing it!

$3 Week

2010-02-22T12:09:00.002-05:00

It was about 11 p.m. Sunday evening last week I decided to start a fast. Ever get those times when you just need to clear your head? Well I needed to clear my head, and it seemed easier to do when I cleared my stomach too. So I bought 2 loaves of bread for $1.50 each and made due with eating that and some pita bread that my friend donated to my cause! And so I went...

Harder than it sounds, I ate bread and water starting Monday and finishing Saturday night with a home-cooked meal at my girlfriend's house (after all that's the BEST way to break a fast right?). During the week, I was constantly reminded of how hungry I was. It was never unbearable but it was hard not to think about it, never getting a break from it, even when I did eat.

I really want to go to Argentina this summer, and praying about it helps ease my conscience knowing that its in the control of a much higher power than my own. I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about it, but still, I'll pray.

2010-02-19T10:25:00.005-05:00

A Monologue

2010-01-08T21:58:00.004-05:00

So youse guys wanna know real good huh?

Its like this, I was just doin my business workin at the store like I've always done. So I'm at the registuh dropin coins and flappin bills like ordinary! But some...knucklehead comes up and asks if he can return a shirt and I'm like "No prawblem!" But I take a closuh look and the friggin thing is like from 1969 when the store opened! What the frick ya know? So I says to the guy, I'm like, "You gotta be kiddin me! What you tryin to rip us off or somethin!?" And he's yellin and sceamin all this crap about his hard liquor puttin him to bed and his wife makin him get out and he cant take it no more. So I says, "Well if you want I can give you a buck. But if anythin is for sure, its I ain't sellin this again to nobudy! Cause this is a reekin-stinkin dog sweater ya given me here." So he takes his buck and a walk. Crazy right? Well I figuhed the stranegst was ovuh but far from it. Next guy comes in lookin real shifty and all, and I'm thinkin "fughettaboudit"! So I welcome him with a smirk and act all cool like I don't already know his plans and DAT'S when I make my move! While he's checkin out the jeans I'm makin sure I'm not in da way ya know? So he's sweatin and gettin real uneasy. He sets his backpack down on the bench and cooly asks for a bathroom. I say "Door on the right", and make a motion with my hand. He leaves the back pack on the bench for some reason, thinkin "Puyfect!" in my head, I make my way over to the register, cause I gotta be ready right? Suddenly da door bursts open and he grabs a gun out of his bag, runnin over to me like a pit bull with the fits! Pointin at me and wavin his club over me like somethin real good is bout to go down, he asks for the cash. So I pop the lock on the till, raise my hands before he reaches over and say, "You're a funny guy, too bad we don't sell ammo!" as I drop the mag into the till and close it. "Have a nice day..."

Overnight

2009-12-31T14:11:00.009-05:00

As if working at the Gap from 7pm - 7am couldn't get worse…

To be truthful it’s not all that bad. In fact some of it is rather enjoyable, getting to hang out with some really great people, going on midnight runs to Dunkin' Donuts, making jokes and laughing around, all in all, working the night shift really isn't as bad as it sounds. But when you're doing it a couple nights in a row, you might just have a problem retaining your sanity from the sudden shift in sleep patterns and the caffeine overdose.

Of course you will try to get out of there as soon as possible, the faster you work the quicker you get out and the quicker you sink into a soft billowy bed. Some of the things required of us were rebuilding the walls of the store, folding and re-folding clothes, and dressing and undressing mannequins. Not to mention the heavy duty work of dragging 200 lb. tables around the store. But it will all be fine if you've got an i-pod or someone to talk to and if you don't step on a mannequin's base as it’s falling over causing it's metal-rimmed neck to spring back and hit you on your eyebrow leaving a two and a half centimeter slice on your forehead.

I left the emergency room at about 5 am that morning with 9 stitches in my head and a splitting headache. Ironically, it was the most memorable experience I've ever had. It took my parents about 20 min to come pick me up from work and bring me to the hospital; we don't exactly live down the block. From there I left work feeling a little bad that I hadn't finished the shift. I was ready to stay and finish the job because it would've taken only another hour or so, but my co-worker, Sean, said it'd probably be a good idea to get some stitches, so I heeded his advice. When arriving at the hospital, I was the first one to the door waiting for my parents to get out of the car. Upon walking in, there was a security guard sitting near a podium recording everyone’s information who gets in the ER.

I walked up to him and said, "I need to see a doctor."
He replied, "What was the injury? Did you cut your finger?"
I was really surprised he said that. I knew it was because I was holding the blood stained paper towel in my hand but I felt like saying, "Oh yeah, the fingers hurting pretty bad. By the way I just have this natural open wound in my head. Don't worry about that, it’s a unique birth mark."
But I guess that's how people operate at 4 in the morning.

Start the clock at 4:01 am.

I sat down in a small room where a nurse took my blood pressure, heart rate and temperature, a normal and relatively fast procedure. When she asked me how I got hurt, I had a hard time describing it. Not because I couldn't remember, but because I didn't know how to say it without making it sound like I was making it up. So I told her a mannequin fell on me. She didn't write anything right away but just smiled as she looked at her paper, and scribbled something down.

"Those mannequins will get you every time huh?"
"Yeah, they're not very nice", I sheepishly replied.

Once I was done with that, I had to go to the next window over (Clock check: 4:06 am). This was the insurance part, and I was dealing with a morbidly obese man who looked like he just woke up and was not happy with where he was. He asked for my details, like social security number, home address, insurance provider, the works. After giving me some paper work I finally got to see a hospital bed. (Clock check: 4:10 am) I sat down and the room wasn't busy at all. There was a doctor and a nurse sitting in chairs at a long desk across the room from me. The nurse was filling out some paper work but the doctor was doing something really strange. He was dialing phone numbers and recording data for an insurance company and he was speaking at incredible speed! I thought at first I was going nuts but my Dad heard it too.

I was thinking a doctor would come in right away but there were other nurses sitting around doing some work, but not likely since they were talking about the "foot" of snow that we were expecting that actually turned out to be 2 inches. Then finally I got to see the one hospital sight I've always dreamed of: the elderly man dressed in a hospital gown and flaunting some whitey-tighties.

So, finally the doctor who was doing the super-speed recording turned around and came over to me, introducing himself (Clock check 4:25 am). I was a little upset to know that he was sitting there the whole time while I kept on bleeding. But he was very nice, introducing himself and he told me that he would tell me everything that he was doing while he was getting ready to do the procedure. I was glad I didn't have to worry about having a good doctor. At first he explained that some people call in plastic surgeons but I knew that I didn't want that kind of attention, especially if I would have to wait another 4 hours for him to arrive.

Finally he pulled the bright lamp down and I went blind for a half hour having my head covered in towels and cotton wads. Cleaning the wound was the worst; it was like having pins and needles like when your foot falls asleep. You know the pain you get when you move it? Well, it was like that for 15 min in that cut, and then it went numb. He asked me what my lucky number was and told me that was how many stitches he was putting in. Random, but true, and frankly I think that's an unreliable way of ensuring a wound heals. Finally after the threading was through, it was all over (Clock check 4:50 am) and we were on our way.

I got a gash in my forehead at 3:30 in the morning on a restock overnight shift at the Gap, the last place people might think they would be injured, but I am living proof that the store mannequins are not passive creatures. Still, I’m not ashamed I lost the fight, in fact, I’m relishing it - and there’s nothing like a good memory to help me write it all down.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

2009-12-24T23:59:00.001-05:00

1 Kings 8:27 - But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you.

The Thorn

2009-12-13T22:38:00.006-05:00

Once I heard a song of sweetness,
As it cleft the morning air,
Sounding in its blest completeness,
Like a tender, pleading prayer;
And I sought to find the singer,
Whence the wondrous song was borne;
And I found a bird, sore wounded,
Pinioned by a cruel thorn.

I have seen a soul in sadness,
While its wings with pain were furl'd,
Giving hope, and cheer and gladness
That should bless a weeping world;
And I knew that life of sweetness,
Was of pain and sorrow borne,
And a stricken soul was singing,
With its heart against a thorn.

Ye are told of One who loved you,
Of a Savior crucified,
Ye are told of nails that pinioned,
And a spear that pierced His side;
Ye are told of cruel scourging,
Of a Savior bearing scorn,
and He died for your salvation
With His brow against a thorn.

Ye "are not above the Master."
Will you breathe a sweet refrain?
And His grace will be sufficient,
When your heart is pierced with pain.
Will you live to bless His loved ones,
Tho' your life be bruised and torn,
Like the bird that sang so sweetly,
With its heart against a thorn?
- Selected.

Therapy...

2009-12-03T13:01:00.006-05:00

I never thought I'd be driving through the country just to drive
With only music and the clothes that I woke up in
I never thought I'd need all this time alone it goes to show
I had so much yet I had need for nothing
But you

This is just therapy
Let's call it what it is
(Not what we were)
With a death-grip on this life always transitioning
This is just therapy
Cause you won't take my calls and that makes God
The only one who's left here listening to me

Letting it all sink in
It's good to feel a sting now and again
I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through
Forgetting it all begin
Fresh paper and nice expensive pen
The past can not subtract a thing from what I might do
For you
Unless that's what I let it do

Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused
Cause I spend my solitude with you
I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight
And I answer them the way I guess you'd do

Cause this is my therapy
Cause you're the only one that's listening to me
This is my therapy
Let's call it what it is not what we were
With a death-grip on this life that's in transition
This is my therapy
Cause you won't hear me out and that makes
God the only one who's left here listening

Therapy - Relient K

...the Love that tears is the Love that heals

Windy Gap - A YoungLife Experience

2009-11-24T01:47:00.011-05:00

No words.

I'm joking of course, but there certainly aren't enough words to describe what a weekend in the wilderness working as a dishwasher at a camp for high school students can do for you. Thrilling, enlightening, focusing, and dramatic are just a few of the terms that come to mind.

Think about God. Then think about the most beautiful place you've ever been to. Then think about the best food you've ever eaten. Then think about you're closest friends. Then think about your favorite things to do. Put all those together and you're very close to the scenario you would find at Windy Gap. Minus the little-to-no sleep factor and the trivial tasks you get while in work crew, I’m speaking verbatim what goes on during the Windy Gap Fall Camp session.

We're talking YoungLife ministry here: the work of bringing the story of the bible to high school students. But it doesn't leave crazy fun activities behind. More simply, the misconceptions that students hold for who "Jesus" is and what He did, are shifted to a view of simple truth in one word: "Savior". (1 Timothy 4:10 - For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.) I kind of want you to understand completely what this ministry is about before I get into the details about this weekend. I've given the basic premise, but here's a link to the younglife website "http://www.younglife.org/AboutYoungLife/"

The weekend for the students is split up into a few different talks, one on each part of the gospel message. In between the talks, these kids get to go out and enjoy things like zip-lining into the lake or going horseback riding through the mountains. There is definitely plenty to do.

More or less I want to tell you about what part I enjoyed this weekend. There were three main jobs for the college and high school students who come to the YL camps to participate in something called work crew. Work crew is a collection of jobs at the camp that need to be fulfilled in order to make sure that the campers have the best time they could. Some to name are outdoor work crew (mulching, landscaping, etc.), serving (waiter/ess), dish washing (aka "The Pitts"). These vary based on what session you're at the camp for whether its in the spring, fall, or summer. I had the honor of working in “the Pitts” this weekend where I found an unreasonable joy in things like scrubbing the bottom of a 10 gallon pot filled with cookie batter residue (of course I licked it at least once, and no that's not gross). My partners-in-slime were my roommate and one of my best friends Ross, another one of my best friends Ryan, and three seniors in high school that he leads: Daniel, Eric, and Steven. With our powers combined, we found ourselves overwhelmed with sky high stacks of plates, trays, silverware and the like. Make no mistake, even though it took at least 3 hours to finish the task after each meal (we did 6), the Dashboard Confessional, Miley Cirus, and Kanye West that blasted in our ears through the speakers along with the occasional water fight made it well worth while. Honestly, I would compare it to when you were a kid and rolling down a long hill was the thing to do. According to what was defined as "mandatory" we each broke at least one thing, each spilled something and each got our soaking wet fingertips scrunched up into raisins.

So, now I will pose the reader with a question, something that still bugs me as I seek a fulfilling answer.

Having gone through this weekend unsure of what I was going to be involved in, I ended up being happily surprised at what I found. However, one would argue that I could have been doing something else this weekend and so by forfeiting that alternative option I sacrificed for this weekend. Several friends and staff thanked the workcrew for “giving up” their weekend and what bothers me, is that it did not feel at all like a sacrifice. "Can it still be a sacrifice even though I enjoyed the heck out of myself this weekend?", "Isn't sacrifice supposed to hurt?", "Aren't pain and sacrifice always found together?"

I think we have fallen into the trap of assuming that these two are one in the same. That when you have a suffering, you have a sacrifice. Yet just because we lent our time to someone or something, doesn't mean it has to take its toll on us causing us to be upset about it. There's something about being a cheerful giver that we could all try and follow. I knew I was going to sacrifice my time, I just didn't know what I was going to get out of it (not that I sacrificed to be rewarded anyway).

There is even a clear picture in this: “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) The message of the bible says that Jesus sacrificed, so that I wouldn’t have to suffer. We get the grace without the cost. He paid that cost on our behalf and now we are free from that sacrifice. Needless to say, Jesus did have to suffer and sacrifice for us and an amazing sacrifice it was. “…But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself.” (Hebrews 9:26)

If you’re a college student or a high school student, I strongly recommend checking out YoungLife. Most of the things I talked about, you may hear about more, because that is what YoungLife is about. Nevertheless, I guarantee you will have an amazing time.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is the Future - OWL CITY

2009-10-05T10:56:00.002-04:00

Wake up on your own
And look around you cause you’re not alone
Release your high hopes and they’ll survive
Cause this is the future and you are alive!

Dive in and swim away
From your loneliness and miserable days...

And when you wake up on your own
Look around you cause you’re not alone
Let your hopes go and they’ll survive
Cause this is the future and you are alive
…You’re headed home.

Get ready for some techno-tasting tunes people...I'm writing again.

Big weekend of change ahead, and I can't wait to tell you about it!

2009-07-26T12:49:00.002-04:00

just a thought

2009-07-24T20:47:00.018-04:00

Remember when it was May?
In seven days,
it'll be August...
so the next time you think the day is going by slowly,
and the clock doesn't spin fast enough,

think again.

(Photography by Evan Lane <3)

How I Fell into the GAP

2009-07-14T22:31:00.007-04:00

Since 2 months time, I've been occupied in every single way by my job, therefore the lack of blogging has occurred. With the future of payments on rent, bills, groceries, and gas in view, money seems to be something I am pursuing. How foolish of me...but that's an idea for later.

The GAP - the 70s crowd know it as that place that sold vinyl records and comfy-cozy jeans, but not anymore. Now they sell anything from cologne to bicycles (see in store for details). Every promotion the GAP has is accompanied by huge signs, advertisements, and the soliciting of each GAP employee that you encounter when you walk in the store...I'm that guy.

Hi, welcome to the GAP thanks for shopping with us today!

Sorry, it's just my job. Don't get angry that I interrupted your phone call on your way in while you were yelling at your husband for not putting the milk back in the refrigerator. In a little bit, you'll hand me a fifty dollar bill for a $6.27 camisole. I think you can afford another gallon of milk. I just gave you $43 and change.

I try to be kind to you, but Lord knows its hard. When you came in the store and asked to return a pair of jeans that you've washed, worn, and bought 5 years ago, I'm sorry, I can't help you. If you don't want it, there's a giant clothes bin down the street. Don't get mad at me and ask me for my already peeved manager, she'll just repeat what I said. You need to not leave it in your closet, think it through, and read that piece of paper I handed you when you bought it. Yeah, the receipt...duh.

Seriously though people, the GAP is suffering just like everybody else. We had to shorten our store hours this week because we're not making any money, in that hour between your first and second dinner. If you're trying to get in, you're probably trying to return something. Which means you want your money back. Which means you can't come in. Thanks and have a nice day!

I'm writing this now because I'm off today and I'm not tied down by my boss' requests to maintain the 110% level of customer service that is demanded by me. They're literally the nicest employers in the world. No joke. They've got an awfully hard job, along with keeping up with my antics. And its not that I find it hard being the sweet, young man you older lady customers say I am. Not at all! In fact I love the creepy feeling I get when you're staring me down while I'm scanning your new clothes. I love it so much it gives me goosebumps.

Oh and don't even get me started about the language barrier here. We live in America, so whether you're speaking Englese, Japanglish, Russish, or Puerto Riquenan I'm glad you're here to culture me. So. Glad. The new fad is sign language people! USE YOUR HANDS! I know what *point* means. It means you want the bathroom. I'm either going to tell you: Back left corner, or go somewhere else. And no you can't use the employee bathroom, that's mine silly! I've already made up in my mind my own reality show for you guys too. Its like one of those candid camera shows where you walk in and ask me something in whatever language I don't understand, and get to say whatever the heck I want because you just got punked. HA!

Now seriously.

The 9 hour days, 5 days a week are nothing compared to what I've heard other people have to deal with. Albeit the stingy, mal-tempered, stuck up community I work in, complete with Juicy Corture, Estee Lauder, MaxMara, Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers, etc. etc...I have it easy. I make money. I have a car. I have an awesome family to go home to. I get discounts. I couldn't ask for better co-workers (minus all the gossip. ugh) and I have some job security.

This present wasn't what I had in mind in the past. But still, its something to be thankful for, not just once during saying grace before Mom's awesome meals, but always. About that pursuing money thing that I was talking about earlier? Yeah, don't do it. You've got choices to make in life, don't choose a life pursuing wealth and fame. Please take my word for it: MONEY WON'T SATISFY YOU. Because you'll never say I have enough.

To me, money right now is just one of those roadblocks, or at least it oughta be the one I just passed. If its money you're worrying about people, first of all, worrying isn't going to cut it. Do some planning. Some financial rundowns and stuff. And one of my favorite things to do for it above all that? Just pray. You know what praying is right? Praying is talking to God. That means you can ask Him to help you out with the $375 rent payment this month. It requires faith, but there's nothing God can't do for you. And you have no idea how helpful it can be to have that faith.

While you're at it, you should talk to Him about that time you went off on your parents this morning. Or you had some harmful thoughts about your friend that cheated you. You know that stuff like that can hurt. And its just not right. God knows what we do, good and bad. But the bad stuff we do doesn't have to weigh us down. He won't only supply you with your needs, but He supplies you with eternity in heaven. The Bible talks about it all the time. Jesus died on that cross for a reason! And praying is how you can tell Him you don't want to have all that bad stuff on your shoulders when you die some day. Is heaven perfect? Yes. Then nothing can get into heaven if its imperfect. God can change that for you. He'll erase every wrong thing you've ever done. Pretty cool right? If you think so, ask me about it. Now money doesn't seem so important does it?

That's why I'm looking forward to going to work on Thursday. Despite the creepy old women, screaming babies (and customers), I can deal with it, because I stand right with God whether I die today or tomorrow.

Now don't forget we got new jeans coming in 2 weeks! See you there!

works every time (cont.)

2009-06-10T23:45:00.009-04:00

(look at part 1 first, right below this post)
It's amazing how far a little faith can go sometimes. You'd never think finding a lost phone in Manhattan was possible, but then again, that little faith makes everything possible.

I have a really interesting history with phones.

Let's put it this way. I once was going camping with my family in upstate New York to this cabin my Grandma owns. Went for a hike in the woods, with my phone, thinking I might need it in case...well...whatever.

But I lost it. Not just for a few hours...for a week.

During this week, when there were onslaughts of rain/thunderstorms, I was looking all over the cabin for it thinking it was there but not realizing i still had the whole forest to conquer.

It occurred to me that I should tell my parents the news. When I did, I didn't get an easy time about it and that kind of sucked. But still I had just a little hope. So I gathered some good hiking boots again a week later and went out in search.

Retracing my steps I looked for about 2 or so hours, giving it every chance I thought my time deserved. But it wasn't until the end of it all that I started to panic. Thinking to myself of the real repercussions of losing the one piece of responsibility my parents had given me, along with their trust. So nearing the end I started praying, which I really just like to think of as talking to God.

If you don't believe in God, you don't understand what the heck I'm talking about. So you don't really believe in prayer then I guess, and that's hard for me to grasp, because if I didn't, I can't see what happened next ever happening.

Not only did I find my phone, but still worked!

You can't imagine how happy I was, knowing that God heard that and answered! It was like nothing I had ever seen before.

Last Monday was a little different but with same premise.

I was at a street fair with 2 friends of mine, in Times Square. Yeah, the New York City, Time Square. That city with 8 million people. See a picture of that street from the post before this one.

It was only the beginning of our time in the city when I had realized I lost the phone (way to go me). We were on 46th street at a street fair event called "A Taste of Times square", basically most of the restaurants on restaurant row were advertising their deliciousness. And right after visiting the first event, miraculously, my phone went missing. We looked for about 15 minutes or so and asked security and what not trying to see if we could get any more evidence for where it might've gone, but to no avail. Still, I had hope. We went on with our journey westward to visit all the other places dishing out the goods, when finally on the way back we came to where we started. I asked and looked around again, even looking under tables this time which was awkward to say the least. After about 30 minutes of that, I gave up. That's not to say I lost all hope, I just decided that I wasn't trying the right method to finding my lost belonging. So I kept praying and kept believing.

Once again I had to face my parents so I called them, which oddly enough was how I found my phone. Apparently the person who found my phone on 46th street found my phone and brought it to a restaurant right by where the phone must've been lost by "yours truly". They weren't exactly upset this time, but they told me I had to go to the restraunt and helped me find out where it was.

Sure enough, that's where it was. And I was ecstatic beyond belief. Once again, God heard and answered. I don't know any other way things could've worked out.

So once again, I see that I'm powerless on my own but when I seek help from someone or something greater than myself, I can find the answers I need and the direction for success. Praise God! Works every time...

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

works every time

2009-06-09T21:47:00.020-04:00

It wasn't the fact that I was trying a bunch of awesome different foods...

...it wasn't that I was being surrounded by awesome music...

...it wasn't that I got to be in a jimbay concert...

...it wasn't how it turned out to be a gorgeous day...

...it wasn't even the simple fact that I was in time square...

...it was that I lost my phone in this...and still found it.

Get ready this'll blow your mind!

here's to May

2009-05-29T22:57:00.003-04:00

Because of the move, I'm going to be without Internet until June.

I just wanted to close the month of may with a final post for that month, since I've decided to view this summer in a three month period.

So far, I've seen a big change in several different things between me getting to know my family, my self, and knowing God better. It's been interesting to say the least.

Since I got home I've had my hands dirty doing some sort of random project whether its fixing my car, working in the yard, painting shudders at my Grandmother's house, rebuilding my skim boards, learning how to cook, writing songs, playing the songs I write, writing poetry, reading and re-writing poetry, learning Japanese, learning how to develop my own film, or reading God's word and finding that I am a truly selfish person.

Any and all of the above, it feels great.
Here's to May. Welcome June. See you soon July. Waiting on August.
Maranatha!

Welcome to your new Home

2009-05-25T21:22:00.003-04:00

Yeah, I'm moving. For the first time.

Yet, having lived in the same apartment with my family for 19 years, is having no emotional effect on me whatsoever. Is that even possible? You wouldn't think so. I guess I've become so detached from my family over the past 2 years that I can barely even recognize what's going on.

College will do that to you I suppose. Speaking of which, my other family - my brothers and sisters in Raleigh, NC have been so welcoming to me that I've found a new home. I'm moving into an apartment next year with some really really awesome people (7 brothers) who I am looking forward to spending the next two years with and maybe more. This is something I'm excited about, something I'm patiently awaiting.

Back to the main focus-the new house. Right. Moving with Dad, Mom, and Mary.

Well, the big idea is that its still not our own home, but its way better than what it was.
For the first time, my mom won't have to go to the laundry-mat to do the wash.
For the first time, we won't have to hand wash the dishes.
For the first time, we'll have a garden. For the first time, we'll have a driveway. For the first time, we'll have a fire place.
For the first time, we'll live on the bottom floor.
For the first time, we'll be able to get a "real" pet.
For the first time, I'll have my own room.

Now that I think about it, this is a huge blessing. I don't know why God held it off until now, but there's a purpose in this somewhere that I'm sure to see soon (hopefully).

Everyone else (Parents & Sister) couldn't be happier. This is a big deal for Mary especially. Being the teen, animal-crazy, girl she is she can't wait to get a dog, cat, etc. etc. Which is probably gonna be fun, we've never had a dog or anything really. But its a big deal for the parents too. Being in more space is gonna have a big affect on our relationships, I can already see that happening, we've been in tight quarters for way too long. Still its brought us to where we are today, and we can't complain for that.

This house here is getting emptier and emptier by the day.
Vacant describes it well.

One week.

We'll see how long it takes to make home - Home

my sister

2009-05-16T23:46:00.002-04:00

2009-05-14T09:38:00.001-04:00

"You were a million years of work,"
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
"You're a good kid, and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we'll see you soon."
-Needle and Thread by Sleeping at Last

Déjà vu

2009-05-11T22:03:00.007-04:00

Today, I was watching an episode from a favorite show of mine called "Fringe", directed by, the man himself, J.J. Abrams. The title of this particular segment was The Road Not Taken and it surrounded the idea of a person encountering deja vu.

Deja vu, is french for "already seen", which if you're familiar with, is the experience of seeing something happen a second time. Not literally, but mentally. It has also been referred to as "paramnesia" or "promnesia".

Naturally, my curiosity with this interesting concept has lead me to wikipedia (where everyone in the world can put whatever they want online, so you know you're getting the best information - Michael Scott The Office). There I've found research history and test studies done on this interesting phenomenon that occurs in people of all ages.

Personally, I have encountered multiple events on which I am sure of myself having experienced the exact occasion before hand, but of course I couldn't have. Sometimes it will occur in dreams, where I dream something happens before I experienced it. However, that was mostly when I was younger, and although I do record my dreams still, nothing like that has happened recently.

Over a year ago, I had a conversation regarding deja vu with a good friend of mine Guion Pratt outside a cookout in Raleigh, NC (not a likely place for such a deep discussion). Guion, his brother: a best friend of mine by the name of Win Pratt, and I discussed the reality of such a unique psychological affect to occur in people from a religious perspective.

The group of us all under the agreement of the belief in one God, the creator of the universe, suggested that perhaps God Himself was behind all this. Guion came up with the following hypothesis, which I have taken the liberty of rewording a little bit from lack of memory:

The definition of time is the period between two eternities. With God there is no time! This would tell us that God has no beginning and no end which is referenced in the Bible (Revelation 1:8 and Revelation 21:6). If we can have direct interaction with God and yet with Him there is no time, then we have to account for the translation of that relationship. Pinpointing this is difficult, especially with other verses like 2 Peter 3:8 But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. Perhaps we can think of it this way, if with God is no time, then He already knows and has seen everything we will go through. Maybe there is a point when we will see some refracted view of that same perception, so when we experience deja vu, when we feel like we have already experienced certain events, because God already has seen them and knows them. But in that case, the closer we got to knowing God's love, His nature, and His character, then we would experience deja vu, more and more often.

Guion brings up a plausible theory to ponder, but consider this. Getting back to "Fringe" the idea of "the road not taken" was described as follows:

People experience life in linear form, where they see situations occur in a sequence according to that thing we all know called time. But during each day, those situations we encounter are dependent on our own choices, and based on those choices our day travels a certain road or path. If one were to map out their day (y) as a function of their choices (x) they would have created a tree chart with several branches depicting the different realities they could experience for that day. In these terms, deja vu, is the experience of "seeing" an alternate reality; a window into seeing the same day based on different choices that produced similar results to what you would currently be experiencing.

Hopefully this did not bore you to death, because I find it very interesting and intend to be conducting my own research on this by recording the dreams I remember from the night before and determining if that is a verifiable cause for deja vu related incidents. Nevertheless, it is an unknown and confusing topic still debated. But I must say, that in all of this I find it comforting to know that God has all things under His control as I reflect on this verse: I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14

P.S. Any thoughts/theories would be GREATLY appreciated!

the year punk broke

2009-05-08T23:23:00.002-04:00

we are warriors

raging inside the mythical wildness of our time
we fight
we scream
we band together in numberless rampages

you dont see us
you dont hear us
you dont feel us
you cant get near us

we're not scared, we can defend ourselves
we only want whats best for each other
music and band is our strength
reason and rhyme have no meaning at all

we wear colors because our hearts are gray
we love, but its subtle
you have to become one of us to feel it
and we're always recruiting

we're warriors but we're not an army
we hate, but we're passion-filled
compassion driven
and affection seekers

we need attention
your attention please!
we want to have love and give love
know us for the people we are

Odyssey

2009-05-04T11:59:00.005-04:00

a prayer grips the car while the engine hums along softly,
waiting for the accelerator to be pressed, the gears to turn, and the journey to begin.
the quiet conversation between me ,and my father as co-pilot, is casual although silent at times
never ending or beginning but as if I had never left.
a storm, a sunset, a silhouette, provide activity and interest as i look through the headlight lamps of this vehicle
the wheels and the clock, spinning in sync.
the road could wrap forever in a straight shot to a home away from home away
but i press on - not going back, but instead forward.
energized on the hopes and visions of a bright future ahead, i cannot fall asleep
but i do dream - thinking of the ones i miss, the ones I long to return to.
the city appears on the horizon, hovering over the water like a castle
surrounded by this gorgeous river lit up in the pink and orange sky.
i never once blink for fear
that i will miss the beauteous visage of a place once glorified and now risen in its own after-life.
the sounds, sights, smells and sense of direction
fizz in the shell of my hard heart cracking, and it breaks.
my heart breaks.
only to be followed by a warm meal, and a prayer.

the gorgeous Mosaic

2009-04-28T10:54:00.001-04:00

i was always afraid of your paralyzing stare, and i’m already about to see you again. Unlike the euphoric pleasure I used to have in your company, now i feel you haunting me. "The fear" fails to describe it. It's more of an intimidation and an overpowering feeling that you instill now. In fact, you are terrifying.

Your shiny metal-glass face and neon clothes used to make me feel at home, those familiar expressions and that warm and colorful light. The river was one of our favorite spots wasn't it? That was right next to the center park. The sun reflected off you all day long in the cloudless sky. Your palpable perfume accented with asphalt and sensational spices carried me between trances. The plaid, grid-like dress you wore with white and red lights glittering off the curves in your long slender figure always made my own face shine. When taking strolls with you, i was a walking picture, a talking fixture standing out in a mixture of your smooth kind of texture. But you were my picture – my utopia. i would never shy away from a moment to brag about your ability to be there with me – to keep me and expose me to the life of the world. the creatures that inhabit it and the creatures that it destroys. but i knew you and so you took care of me.

Your people don't change. Well, besides the clothes they wear but you don't mind that, do you? i mean, you've changed a little bit too. You've definitely gotten taller. Having grown it out, you seem to be scraping and ripping the sky apart with your long hair. Your lengthy black locks are unlocked when the blue air is separated by keys of white fluffy clouds. You have more friends (maybe too many). i wish you wouldn’t attract so much attention! Maybe i'm being selfish, but i want you to look after me too. i feel as if we've grown apart recently, since i’ve been sent away by the dark, air-conditioned, crowded teleporter we all used. i remember the fallen faces and how they shivered when that silver serpentine behemoth came closer to capture us and take us to a new world in your universe.

i’ve lost all understanding and i don’t know how or why
i've never felt this way about you before
i've never been worried about us
You seem more vulnerable than ever
You seem dangerous
You seem over towering…and i'm not really sure if i can recognize you anymore.

Yet weeks later, the Gothic feeling of your insomniac culture will remind me that you are here. One certain idea i have like no other, will show me that you need and you give us people from different worlds. Even though these people, undead in their mind-body-soul, live around you they will still hate you. Passionately. Loudly. Strongly.

There will only be a few that call you beautiful, just like there might only be a handful that will appreciate your illumination, but they will still call you home.

Even though ages ago you were known as "the City of Fools" no one cared to give thought to the frame of your future they never realized that they were the eyes, the nose, and the fingertips of a heart of industrialization

My beloved, i for one, know you are that heart. So please forgive me for when i will doubt you because i will soon realize the potential of the place i myself called…the place i will soon call home. The individual will be the kneecaps on your broken structure like an intricacy in the articulate syndicate of heart-work. Yet i will call myself proud to bolt the body to the ground and declare ownership.

One city under God. This city, i will call home and this city that I will name the “gorgeous mosaic”. Keep life old friend and be safe.

Yours truly,
your son.

he-art work

2009-04-26T21:10:00.004-04:00

i can create a colorful picture with eclectic rapture
explaining the culture of a saved sinner
once lost
now found

(i am a sinner saved by grace)
grace has come from the son of God
to save the son of Adam
Jesus is Lord

pumping wildly, my heart tells me who i am -
re-deemed. re-deemed. re-deemed.

The Account of Oliver Pradeski

2009-04-06T23:26:00.001-04:00

He will lie there on his back, cold, bloody, and twisted like the hair on his head, but Oliver will be calm. Not frustrated, or regretful, or even sad in the least, but Oliver. Is. Calm. Staring up at the sky, he will watch the inviting clouds move effortlessly across his gaze and he will be able to see the breath in the air dissipating like his own heartbeat. Ever slowly, he will reach down into his blue jeans pocket, and grab the one piece of paper that he’s always carried in there in case a moment like this might occur, even though Oliver had known without a doubt that it would be today. He will read it and the words of his favorite poet will resound from the page…

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew--
Only more sure of all I thought was true.

- “Into My Own” by Robert Frost

The words will sing through his ears, drowning out the swirl of police sirens and the rush of throngs of people screaming questions. Oliver will close his eyes slowly, thanking fate.
Then the calm will take over, and this is how Oliver Pradeski will die.
On a sunny-as-it-gets day in suburban Gotham, I make my way over each block of concrete placed before me heading south on the main street. My best friend Oliver Pradeski has been asking me to get lunch with him for a week. I know Oliver pretty well, but this behavior of his is a little off. That is, for him to be so overtly intentional with me. Something was definitely up with him.
Growing up in Long Island City hadn’t given Oliver much to hope for, and he sure didn’t lead a life of choices. Being constantly surrounded by the drug gangs and the black market, he was always pushed to go down a gloomy road. His parents were divorced, his mother in Boston and his father on Wall St. He wasn’t even sure if his “father” really belonged to him, partly due to the fact that his mother, well...let’s just say that the only person he could really even try to trust was me, his ‘numero uno amigo’. We met in CUNY-Brooklyn College – an English class. Neither of us went in the same line of work, but we stayed together in our friendship. Still…this chapter is getting especially weird.
My overwhelming work at the office keeps me too busy to do so, and I can tell that he is getting impatient. But what do I get out of it? For working forty hours a week I’ve made enough money to pay the bills, and I keep myself busy sitting at a computer in a tiny cubicle calculating peoples taxes. For 10 years I’ve been here – immobile in my position, and quite frankly I’m tired of all the work that’s been eating up my time. Finally today I got an easy workload, and a chance to step away from my desk for a half hour. Oliver wants to talk to me about a series of strange coincidences that are taking place in his life.
Now, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a good memory. Still, I can’t think of any time when my recollection of the past hasn’t haunted me. I always wonder where that time went – those days I spent with my family or even the years I was without friends. Oliver always says that besides friends and fear, time is the only thing that never escapes us. Or maybe since I last saw him, he has simply come to the realization that we cannot escape time. For instance, the city – it’s a good place to harbor feelings for a while, but it can never be satisfying or restful amidst all the emotion going around that needs to infect each and every person. Somehow time has more value when you live in a city, perhaps its because there is always so much going on that takes up that time. But in the end, no matter the place, time is invaluable.
I’m meeting Oliver inside a coffee shop. He’s sitting and reading at a table with a cup of hot coffee in his left hand and a small book in his right. I walk over to him to shake his hand, our usual reunion greeting, to which he replies with a puzzling look and his wide open arms.
“How’ve you been?” He asks, with his arms squeezed tight for a surprisingly long period of time.
“Just fine,” I reply. “You haven’t missed much. I’m still the same old guy you remember. I’m gonna go grab something quick from the sandwich case okay?”
“Sure. I know you don’t have much time till you have to get back to that job of yours.”
Quickly I grab my lunch and make the exchange of food and currency with the clerk. As I walk towards him with my chicken salad sandwich and a bottled water, I notice that the book he is reading fervently is one of my own that he has been ‘borrowing’, a collection of old poems by Robert Frost.
“What are you reading that for?” I ask.
“I wanted to read about a hero. This book makes me feel like it’s still possible to be the hero I read about. Robert Frost has always been easy to read over and over again.”
“I’m assuming you still keep that on you all the time?”
“I keep having to re-read it” He chuckles. “…so yes. I do.”
“Why?” I simply reply.
“Why what?”
“Why do you like this poem so much? Why would you keep it in your back pocket everyday? What do you need it for?”
He takes a sip of his coffee and puts the book down on top it, covering the rim.
“There will come a time when you no longer need to or can even stand to place your faith in something you can touch. Like that job of yours, it might be all you’re pursuing right now. But what if you died today? What kind of legacy would you have left on the world?”
“Oliver. What’s this all about?” I question.
“…okay...” He pauses further. His eyes shift back and forth in his head, looking for what to say next. “A few weeks ago, I started having these really strange dreams. I’ve been writing them down in a journal.”
“What kind of dreams?” I inquire.
“They really seem prophetic in a way. And they’re…th-they’re. They’re a series of scenes showing how I die.”
“Oliver, people have dreams about dying all the time! Why are you letting yourself get all worked up about a few little nightmares?”
“They have been coming true.” He shivers as the words fall off his tongue. “Obviously I haven’t yet, but soon, I’m going to die.”
As cold as February in Gotham is, the temperature seems to drop a few degrees lower.
“You’re not going to die Oliver, come on. Let’s be real here!” I am raising my voice just a little, and he doesn’t reply with anything less.
“It’s true!” He pleads. “I’ve had several dreams this week where I picture my own ghastly fate occurring, and on the same day that after I have the dream it happens! I would’ve died had I not ‘dodged’ these destined accidents.”
“I think that you’re really reading into this too much. What are you trying to accomplish? Accidents can happen every day Oliver!”
“Then maybe I’ll just have to show you.” His eyes stare back into mine and right through them, penetrating any other suspicious queries I have.
“We’re leaving,” he states, getting out of his chair quickly.
“Why? I just got here!” I ask.
“Just for a short walk.”
As soon as we leave the coffee shop, I get the overwhelming premonition that we aren’t heading any place exactly safe. It would be better for us to stay inside. Besides it’s cold out and I always enjoy complaining about that. It is still quiet and I need to break the silence.
“Okay, so, assuming for a second that your visions are real and happen for a specific reason…”
“Everything happens for a reason,” he says breaking me off.
“…right. Of course. So assuming that you’re right, and you’re cursed with the grim reaper on your tail-” I try to say this with the most sarcastic tone I can surmise, “-well, what’s going to happen next?”
As if Oliver’s reality were a fantastic dream, he calmly speaks his agenda with no regards to my immature antics.
“Today, I’m being electrocuted. Let’s head to Fulton street.”
We walk downtown and get to the block where the bookstore I frequently go to is sitting still like an ornament on the avenue. We walk for about fifteen minutes, when all of a sudden, a power line bursts over head, probably from a power overload. The cables above fall off the telephone pole and are coming at us fast, but since Oliver had already seen the whole thing happen in his dream, he is well prepared and is already pulling me off to the side to get out of the way of the oncoming death trap.
My initial reaction is out of complete astonishment at the revelation of Oliver’s truth, but furthermore out of gratitude that my friend has just saved my life. The power lines sizzle no more than five feet from my side, while I brush myself off to get up from the hard concrete.
“Well, I guess we do have something of a problem on our hands after all.”
“Not you really, just me.” He says grinning.
“I don’t understand how you can be so humorous about this Oliver. You need to do something about it. How are you going to fix this?”
“I’m not.”
“What do you mean you’re not?!”
“Okay look, I’m just a man. I have pride, and I might be the most obnoxious person you know in this city.”
This was actually true.
“You probably wish that I would just shut my 24 hour mouth and get off my soap box. But all my life, I've just wanted to be heroic. By hero, I don’t mean anything super, but more specifically someone standing in a crowd, a sea of faces, who knows, understands, and can maintain a wisdom that keeps him keen on making decisions.”
“Oliver, where are you going with this? You’re hardly making sense,” I interrupt.
He ignores me and continues his rant.
”But a hero is someone who would be nothing without his lovers, comrades, and his family. He seeks to be desired with a fiery passion and without those people he would be severely unsatisfied. Drained from all oxygen, lifeless, his role would be simply to fall back into that sea of faces he came from. Yet his situation is overwhelmed with irony. Because in his present state of complete companionship, he is in an unconditional state of loneliness. He is above everyone that surrounds him, so it is very hard for him to live or even identify with anyone else. His pattern of exceptional ability leaves him without the simple skill of sharing with a similar character and getting to experience basic community. He depends on people to follow him but has no one to follow or fall back on. On the summit, he can't exactly share any room with those people that brought him there. I have to do this! This is my fate!”
“I don’t know what to say Oliver.”
“See, that’s just it. You don’t have to say anything. The only way for me to go, the only way for me to do this world some good is to end my life saving others. It’s a simple act of peace. My sorry excuse for a life is going to be reconciled. You need to hear this. Your life has been consumed by that career you let take over your life, and for what? To make a few bucks and keep the laundry going. You’ve got to understand that your life has a purpose and it’s more than sitting at a desk. Life is about relationships and the experiences we get from them. That’s all you have to understand.”
And that is that.
Making an about face, Oliver takes a turn back uptown while I need only walk a few blocks to work from where we’re standing. I know that Oliver is pretty sure about what he is doing, so I don’t question him any further. That night, I go to bed knowing that Oliver will have another dream, but he’s done looking for a way out of it. Now he is looking for a way in.
I wake up in the morning feeling un-rested but go to start my day as normal until I turn on the news. Apparently, at 7 a.m. this morning, some man had walked into a nearby breakfast restaurant warning people about a gas leak that they were unaware of. Sure enough they found a leak and started ushering people out. People were being evacuated but it was too late. A spark found the fuel, and the fuse went off. Most of the people got out, but there were several injured. The number of casualties was unknown. Somehow I already knew.
After reaching across the small studio for my keys, I spiral down the stair case and out to my car. This can’t be happening. On the way to the destroyed restaurant, I can’t stop thinking of the staggering news. The drama of it all is overly saturating but bittersweet. When I get there I realize that I’m already too late. All that remains of the restaurant are its four walls and the floor. Approaching the paramedics, I give them the explanation that I am practically Oliver’s only family and rush in under the caution tape. It looks as though the explosion had come from the pipes that ran through the roof. The explosion came from the ceiling causing the shingles and all to fly upwards and out into the street leaving the rest to cave in on the people in the restaurant. The tables are burned to a cinder and the floor is strewn with wood splinters and shards of glass. There are people being picked up on stretchers and some people are working on Oliver.
I rush to his side.
“Everything is gonna be all right Oliver, just be calm.”
“I am calm. In fact, I feel great.”
“They’re just gonna take you to the hospital quick and get you fixed up and you’ll be all better.”
“I don’t think so. I’m dying. This is really happening.”
The way Oliver looks is dreadful to say the least. The breeze coming through the open ceiling of the sky blows the hair out of his face. Blood is spilling from his back, which he is currently lying on, and his body looks as though it’s riddled with internal injuries. Plus bruises and scratches are covering his face, blinding his right eye and certainly giving him quite a headache. He doesn’t seem to be in pain though. Oliver’s expression is one of complacency and quietness. I don’t understand where he gets his peace, but there is certainly something to be said for his fortitude.
I didn’t know if I should say anything further. Everything that happened yesterday in the 20 minute conversation we had flashed over and over again in my head.
“Geez Oliver! You really weren’t kidding were you? All those people, and you caught in the middle.” I try to chuckle but it comes out sounding more like a sob, and I can’t help but realize as Oliver so eloquently states that “this is really happening”.
“Yep. It’s ok now. I’m calm…now, why don’t we see what Mr. Frost has to say about all this.” He affirms, unfurling his tight fist to reveal a single piece of paper.

-Tom Meiners

sea scream

2009-03-29T15:35:00.001-04:00

intertwined surf sun and fire
truly I’ve found what I desire.

i have to explain the meaning of things
everything has pain but that beach always sings
if only we’d float like seagulls on wings
and if we had passion like jellyfish stings

and when it speaks something
each part fits together
with the movement of swing
and the sound of the weather.

yet giving off this strange effect
i wonder, “how can this be perfect”
beauty has always been so hard to find
is it only something made up in my mind?

the sandy clouds take you higher and higher
intertwined surf sun and fire

this is the day that the Lord hath made!

2009-03-21T01:39:00.004-04:00

The peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep
your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

Are you troubled about the state of this world? Are you perplexed? You should not be, for the world is governed by sin and Satan is its god. It is of necessity that it is evil. Do not be surprised when international conferences fail, when the situation goes from bad to worse. The Scriptures have taught us to expect this. But as believers, we are living in the centre of the hurricane where all is peace. Christian, in nothing be anxious, for our God is in control. —Robert E. Surgenor

While I hear life’s surging billows, peace, peace, is mine!
Why suspend my harp on willows? Peace, peace, is mine! —J. D. Smith

2009-03-16T18:28:00.009-04:00

"the gorgeous mosaic"

2009-03-09T00:34:00.004-04:00

this week, the gothic feeling your insomniac culture gives reminded me that you are

one certain idea like no other showed me that you need and you give us people
and although these people, undead in their mind-body-soul, live around you
they hate you

there are few that call you beautiful
there might be a handful that can appreciate your looks
but they all call you home.

ages ago you were known as "the city of fools"
no one cared to give thought to the frame of your future
they never realized that they were-
the eyes
the nose
the fingertips of industrialization

my beloved
you are that heart

forgive me for once doubting you
i've realized the potential of the place i myself called..
now call
home.

the individual is the kneecaps in you
an intricate articulate syndicate of heart-work
i call myself proud to bolt the body to the ground and declare ownership

GOD
one city

the city that calls you home
and i call you the gorgeous mosaic

keep life old friend.
be safe.

first impressions

2009-02-16T16:33:00.011-05:00

For whatever reason, when I woke this morning, I was dreadfully fearful of you.

It won't be long till I see you again, and unlike what we used to have, I feel you haunting me. "Scared" fails to describe it. It's more of an intimidation and an overpowering feeling that you put off now.

You are terrifying.

It didn't used to be this way.
Your shiny metal-glass face and neon clothes always made me feel at home, like I always would belong there by your side. The river was one of our favorite spots wasn't it? Right next to the middle park. The sun reflected off you all day long in the cloudless sky. You were my picture. My utopia. I would never shy away from a moment to brag about you. I knew you and you took care of me.

Your people don't change. Well, besides the clothes they wear that is. You don't mind that though do you? I mean, you've changed a little bit too. You've definitely gotten taller. You have more friends (maybe too many). I wish you would attract so much attention. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want you to look after me too. I feel as if we've grown apart recently.

I don't understand.
I've never felt this way about you before.
I've never been worried about us.
But you seem more vulnerable than ever.
You seem dangerous.
You seem over towering.

I'm not really sure if I can recognize you anymore.

I'm bringing a few friends to come see you okay? I want you to be nice and behave yourself. A lot of them haven't met you yet so remember that first impressions are important. Some of them might already have memories of you but I'll reintroduce you anyway. Please look after everyone all the same.

God Loves You.
I'm praying for you.
I miss you.
See you soon new york city.

think about this

2009-02-15T13:45:00.002-05:00

This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Matt . 3:17
My God, my God, Why hast thou forsaken Me? Mark 15:34b

The tender plant inched out of the dry ground. The world rushed on. But His Father watched. He watched His mother lay Him in a manger. He watched the devout hold Him with joy in the Temple. He watched the wise stand startled at His understanding. He watched Him walk the coarse, sinful streets of Nazareth, His perfections blazing a path of pure light down every dusty lane. He
watched His baptism— the only person on the planet for whom it was not necessary. He could keep silent no more. Yet, in love for us, when the Son of His love cried out in anguish, no voice was heard. —S. McEachern

Lord, Thy love has sought and found us, wandering in this desert wide,Thou hast thrown Thine arms around us, for us suffered, bled and died.—Anon.

open

2009-01-22T00:26:00.003-05:00

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable. irredeemable.

"C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 121"

the firm

2009-01-12T15:09:00.003-05:00

Rep yourself, rep your family
Rep your health and rep your clan
The real test of a man is to put down his hands
And we can be united ’cause if we divided, we damned
- Dash "Test of a Man"

Its neat when you can watch a movie like Green Street Hooligans and get something out of it. a unique story about the courage and brotherhood that goes on in the battle between firms in England, people show their respect, loyalty and love for each other by fighting for their own. It gets gruesome at times but all that you can see in it is pure bravery and that no matter what you stand your ground. The Green Street Elite were at the center of this picture where they live by their football and practice their friendship daily at the local pub. Can you imagine what it would be like if that was your life? Getting in riots regularly, getting drunk regularly, boy...sounds like the life right? maybe.

The thing that I would seek most in it is the camaraderie. To have a group like that where the cost of friendship is priceless would be such a beautiful thing. To have friends who were more like brothers, and a pact between us that wouldn't stop at anything.

That is why I am thankful for what I do have here. I really couldn't ask for more, and being united in one thing, our faith in God, is what makes it work. He's blessed us all with this great connection, and I love my friends to the death. You are amazing.

2009-01-05T15:53:00.012-05:00

the last beginning

2008-12-31T20:56:00.000-05:00

Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting YOU ARE GOD.

Psalm 90:2

[re/in]flection point

2008-12-08T22:29:00.011-05:00

It wouldn't make sense for life to be hard or for the wages of this world to be so gruesome.

that is. for the world to have been originally planned to be this way.

Where people act cruelly.
Where tragedy occurs frequently.
Where death has become imminent..

and i will dare to say:
the wrong in this world is because of all of me and you

when we hear people ask why. why evil happens. why did their dad have to die of cancer. why did their wife get killed in a drunk driving accident. why did their brother run away. why?

i dont have answers. but i know that in this world these things happen a lot.

people are bad natured. im bad natured.
and i can't honestly say that i know anyone that is a 100% good person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for the average 75 years of their life.

its just not possible.

so we make mistakes. and some of them are a lot more disastrous than others. some even roll into patterns of mistake after mistake. eventually it seems that such a routine makes you one of the bad guys.

the reason why i write about this. if any. [because its not for attention. its not for your fake pity on my non-existent depression. no.] if anything the reason is because i found help.

im even gonna tell you that is the solution for all these problems.
[and it only sounds cliche because you've heard it before]

His name is Jesus.

finding Him is the reason why i am literally alive today.

the words man made in language like salvation, rescue, and cure just dont do justice what God has done for me, for many people

and what he can do for you.

Love is real. God is Love. and God is definitely real.

the story of how that all works is written down in that thing you've probably heard called the Bible.

the story of how He completely lived a perfect life 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for the 31 years he lived [this was possible for Him because He was God and yet in the form of a person] talks about how he saved the entire world from the mistakes that happen everyday.

He even went so far as to giving His own life.
He died.

But because he was God and man at the same time, not even death could stop Him so rose from the dead, then ascended to Heaven.

He's there right now and He knows that you are hurt to see all the evil that goes on in this world

so He has extended his help to you.

i promise you, in fact i guarantee that he would help you if only you asked Him to.

now this whole thing sounded preachy. i understand that.
i just want you to know about it. the help i found, not to mention the comfort, peace of mind, and most importantly: love.

and everyone needs LOVE.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
1 John 4:16

Dead man, were you ever alive?
Or was I just a seed buried deep inside
Some woman you wed
Right before you crawled out of her bed and crept down the hall?
Did you think of me?
Did you even for a second hesitate in the doorway?
It's just something that I'd like to know
Though I'd still love you if told me
That you just walked away

My God, what a world you love
Where men bury their sons
And without thought just walk away

And my mother's heart breaks
Like the water inside of her

Dead man, is it being high that makes you alive?
It makes you leave behind three boys and a wife in '89
As the track marks inched their way up your arm
My mother taught my brothers and I not to call you daddy
But to call you father

But I believe there is something here to be learned of grace
'Cause I can't help but love you
No I can't help but love you
Even with a heart that breaks
Like the promises that you made
Like the promises that you made
The promises that you made
'Cause I still love you

My God, what a world you love

AS CITIES BURN - The Widow

the first

2008-12-08T21:16:00.004-05:00

Where is love?

i lost myself in the ways of this world and found no satisfaction that lasted.

Confusion is what encompasses me. Life escapes me, and i'm frightened. What cruel future does this world hold for me? Where is my refuge and where can i find rest?

All i want is to have a positive affect on people. To leave them feeling well, and my peace to give them. But all are hiding from me. i've found no one to stand by stand my side, Lord.

"The godly have been swept from the land and not one upright remains. All lie in wait to shed blood, each one hunts his brother with a net. Both hands are skilled for doing evil. The ruler demands gifts, the judge accepts bribes, the powerful dictate what they desire - they all conspire together." (Micah 7)

i can't trust anyone, and in my friends i don't have any confidence. It leaves me feeling unfulfilled and hopeless.

That's how You found me.

i'm a disappointment and a dishonor to my parents, and i find that the problems i see in this world are even more magnified in me! i am the problems with this world

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7) There's an awful tearing sound inside me! The pain becomes unbearable when I see the ones I care for get hurt from my own selfish and obnoxious self.

So i find this law at work: When i want to do good, evil is right there with me. All i wanted was for people to gain something from my existence, to be productive in supplying love to those who need it, and everyone needs love.

But for now.....i've become lost.

I'm wearing out.

i don't know what side of Love i am on, but i pray

oh i pray, that i am close.

Walking away.

It's not the same as running.

Is it to you now that you've run this in the ground.

And you say take this. This medicine is just what you deserve.

Swallow, choke, and die.

And this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth.

One that's void of all discretion such an awful tearing sound.

With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair is never wearing out.

It's wearing off and it's leaving you with such a heavy heart and a head to match.

The bottle is waiting the cap is twisted begging to be used and so are you.

And this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth.

One that's void of all discretion such an awful tearing sound.

With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair is never wearing out,
wearing out
wearing out
wearing out
wearing out
wearing out... Dashboard Confessional - This Bitter Pill

Is this where the interstate ends?

In coastal towns like this

Waiting for my world to cave under

We seem to invent ourselves

In places left unknown

If hope could only find me out

Is this the end of everything we know?

This is the end of everything I am

Is anybody out there?

Hello! Hello!

Broken hearts like promises, are left for lesser knows

Is anybody out there?

Alone! Alone!

Because the coldest winters thrive

Depression is the unholy ghost

In the coastal towns ahead

Though I know a thousand names

I seem my only friend

I've got the gun

All I need is ten cents for the bullet

I feel helpless, sleeping at best, waiting for your return

Are you ever coming home?

Is anybody out there?

Hello! Hello!

Broken hearts like promises, are left for lesser knows

Is anybody out there?

Alone! Alone!

Cause the coldest winter's thrive on broken homes

Does anybody

Do they ever listen?

Does anybody

Care at all?!

Do they care at all? Do they care at all? Do they care at all?

Do you care at all? Do you care at all?!

Is this the end of everything we know?

This is the end of everything I am

Is anybody out there?

Hello! Hello!

Broken hearts like promises, are left for lesser knows

Is anybody out there?

Alone! Alone!

Cause the coldest winter's thrive on broken homes

From a lesser known

I'm here and there's hope

There's hope...Anberlin - Hello Alone

demitri martinisms

2008-12-08T10:10:00.004-05:00

I wonder if there are any birds that are afraid of heights...that would suck...

...fish farts must smell really bad. i mean they're starting from a smelly creature to begin with. i hope i dont smell like fish farts...

...i wonder if any lumberjacks eat small breakfasts. because there seems to be an expectation for large breakfasts if you're in that line of work...

...if male ladybugs found out about their name, i think they would be dissapointed...

...if you take a treehouse out of a tree, its just a crappy house. sometimes when im in a crappy house, i imagine that its in a tree. then its more like, "this place is amazing"...

...a strange prank would be to put fake plants in the forest. because that wouldnt be so much a prank as a waste of time.

snowflakes

2008-11-21T03:30:00.004-05:00

recently, the memories of the black and white days

when people's stares meant such a bitter sentiment,

have all been washed away within an eye to eye statement

the very one they've been waiting for

even though falling in between snowflakes

even though cold is the favorite we enjoy the special sense:

when from toe to finger, becomes numb

since pain has no affect on the distracted

but then when one of us, a team becomes lost lost

and even more lost

it is then that pain breaches

the cold stings,

and ice burns.

the thaw isn't about total confusion but about

facing pain

understanding it

and feeling it

when we know it,

we know its benefits: we learn, we grow, we love, in these friendships.

travel time

2008-11-10T10:22:00.009-05:00

I've wanted to post something about this in a long, long time...one of the many reasons why I'm going to school at North Carolina State is because of the distance it puts me from home. Consequently, its one of my favorite parts about life in NC. The travel experience is such an awesome adventure, especially the independence I guess. For the past 11 out of 12 trips I've made between home and school I've flown, that's not to say that driving isn't great too, i mean, I love road trips. But flying is preferred and I'm sure you could guess why. After all, it is a 10 hour difference in travel-time right? But flying brings the experience to a whole new level, pun intended. To spend time with the greatest friends ever, who are kind enough to get you to the airport means so much to me. I love them all so much, and they are the other reasons why I go to school in North Carolina. Then spending an hour or two in the terminal listening to music and reading is so peaceful, and also a great way to prepare for the harrowing journey ahead. Then it gets interesting, and I board the flight, sitting down to introduce myself to someone who you've never nor will probably ever meet again. Sharing "life stories" with some Brooklyn-born Dad's, Manhattan-bound tourists, and a few college kids from Duke, Chapel-Hill, Wake Tech, Wake Forest, and of course, the Wolfpack. Tarmac time can take anywhere from a couple minutes to a couple hours, but that's okay when I've got a JetBlue airliner equipped with directTV satellite, a few books, and a radio. If all the timing goes right, it'll just be sunset when those wheels lift off the ground. The houses below sink into the ground and I pass out to the atmosphere. If its overcast, the sun at the top seems so much more beautiful, its super intense to grasp the contrast between a dreary day and then be approached by the fact that, well, the sun is always shining up there. Does that make sense? And the view, its just indescribable except by photography maybe, which I tried to incorporate in this post. Coming into John F. Kennedy airport in New York City is also an amazing sight at night. From a distance you can see an amazing profile of the skyline all lit up with bright veins of bridges flowing to it from both sides of the island. Then comes a bit of a shock, coming back to Long Island, usually means a 5-10 degree difference depending on the weather and time of year. But I mean a good shock, and this too is a reason for why I go to NC State, I appreciate home so much more now that I'm restricted to how often I can go there. Apart from the fact that I always end up missing every one down south when I'm up north, that's about the extent of my travel experience. I love it.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore. Psalm 121:8

it's taken care of

2008-10-25T00:51:00.002-04:00

Sunday: Church, Eat, Study, Church, Eat, Study, nap...
Monday: Class, Eat, Study, Eat, Fair, Study, nap...
Tuesday: Test, Class, Study, Eat, Class, Eat, Test, Study, nap...
Wednesday: Eat, Test, Class, Eat, Meeting, Eat, Jazz, Fair, Study, nap...
Thursday: Class, Eat, Study, Class, Eat, Class, Life...
Friday: .........sleep.

In case you were wondering, yes, this is an exact replica of my schedule for this past week. Now i hate to complain, and i know so many people have it so much worse than me, so i'm sorry if it sounds like im a whiny little kid. But i suppose, in some sense, that i like being literal. You'll notice that i didn't put sleep in anywhere except Friday night, which means that i didn't get much sleep at all this week, but instead got what i like to call: naps. And yet, GOD is so good. I was felt sure of myself that this week could've been the worst one of the semester and maybe even college in general, but God is good, and He sure has kept it to end on a good note. A great one in fact. Great is His faithfulness. I will sleep well tonight...

Psalm 27:13 <-- check this out

2008-10-22T10:27:00.005-04:00

No doubt about it! God is good— good to good people, good to the good-hearted. But I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness. I was looking the other way, looking up to the people at the top, envying the wicked who have it made, who have nothing to worry about, not a care in the whole wide world. Pretentious with arrogance, they wear the latest fashions in violence, pampered and overfed, decked out in silk bows of silliness. They jeer, using words to kill; they bully their way with words. They're full of hot air, loudmouths disturbing the peace. People actually listen to them—can you believe it? Like thirsty puppies, they lap up their words. What's going on here? Is God out to lunch? Nobody's tending the store. The wicked get by with everything; they have it made, piling up riches. I've been stupid to play by the rules; what has it gotten me? A long run of bad luck, that's what—a slap in the face every time I walk out the door. If I'd have given in and talked like this, I would have betrayed your dear children. Still, when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache ...until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture: the slippery road you've put them on, with a final crash in a ditch of delusions. In the blink of an eye, disaster! A blind curve in the dark, and—nightmare! We wake up and rub our eyes....Nothing. There's nothing to them. And there never was. When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence. I'm still in your presence, but you've taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me. You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth! When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful. Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again. But I'm in the very presence of God—oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord God my home. God, I'm telling the world what you do!
Psalm 73
(version: The Message)

breaking the social norm

2008-10-04T02:33:00.004-04:00

i should've put this in earlier...oh well
i had to stop speaking in social settings for a sociology experiment, and then write a paper,
the vow of silence begins...

Tuesday September 9th
Day 1: I ended up bringing around a notepad with me so that I had some form of communication. So now, there is a record of the things that I tried to communicate during each day. I am thinking about just stopping communication tomorrow. I mouth words and sometimes whisper, although rarely. Ironically however, without talking I have been able to start many conversations. Not being allowed to talk has forced me to be a better listener, and outside of getting an awesome grade on this paper, I hope I get a great experience. Things would be so much easier if I just wasn’t in these groups so much. I’ve found that I laugh a lot because I allowed myself to do so in the midst of this experiment. I think that I will cut this off too, maybe all possible forms of sound. People told me that it was weird to hear one part of the conversation. I’ve learned more about other people too in doing this.

Wednesday September 10th
Day 2: This morning I left my room without a pad and pen and did a pretty good job of restricting myself from using whole sentences to communicate. Apparently, people enjoy taking advantage of their friends when they can’t talk. I made a lot less slips today than yesterday too. Before, it was easy to forget that I was not talking in social settings. Slowly but surely, the situation is growing on me. Mouthing words is still a form of language, but I’m leaving that tomorrow and going to try and play charades all day. Should be fun.

Thursday September 11th
Day 3: The fastest day yet by far. Aside from that however, it was also encouraging because as a result of my silence, someone joined in with me. Perhaps it was because of the persons desire to be reverent on the anniversary of a tragedy, or maybe to help me investigate the outcome of being socially abnormal. Either way, I have learned a lot about me, society, and me in society in this experiment.
The end..

simple love

2008-09-17T09:01:00.004-04:00

To start off, you should know that the person who writes this blog is selfish, greedy, careless, and among many other things, overly proud.

With that being said...

Once a year, some people celebrate the anniversary of the day that they were born. It always seems like such a long time, and then when its here we sometimes think, "oh this again". At least I do. But it got me thinking that on this day, people get excited for the birthday guy/gal. The get said hello to more, and things like that. As corny and childish as I am, it made me think of a quote from a Charlie Brown movie.

Lucy: Okay, get up! I want to lie in that beanbag!
Linus: Remember when we were siting around the Christmas tree opening our presents? That's when you said it.
Lucy: That's when I said what?
Linus: It was beautiful. You said, "Why do we have to be nice to each other only on Christmas? Why can't we be nice to each other every day?"
Lucy: You drive me crazy!
Linus: Joy to the world.

Now, I know this was weird but Christmas is kinda like our birthday. In fact, it actually is like a huge birthday part for Jesus. But what I'm trying to get at is that we don't have to pretend that there's only one day we can treat a person well. Think about it, that really what love is right? It's not affected by certain distractions or occurances. Everyone needs to feel like its their birthday everyday! Heck, maybe thats why there are a lot of people these days who don't want to celebrate their birthday. They don't want to be treated differently on one day. Again, I sound like the most lonely, desperate, selfish person on the planet right now. I'm telling you right now, I have some of the best friends in the world and they've been awesome people to me. The thought merely just popped into my head, and it just happens to be my birthday.

Anyways, food for thought is what i just tried to serve. Hope it went down ok. And I hope you all have an awesome day!

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

____________________________________1 John 4:7-10

Good Company

2008-08-21T00:04:00.004-04:00

The sick man answered Him, Sir, I have no man. John 5:7a

Short scripture phrases often say much. What this man said, “I have no one” is one of the saddest of all expressions. Being utterly alone, is a keenly felt human emotion. Many identify with loneliness and rejection in this vast, unfriendly world, surrounded by people yet finding no comfort. After 38 years this disheartened man found a true Friend, who healed him and would abide with him forever. Look around for some lonely one whose void you may fill with friendship and eternal hope. Your own life will be enriched too. —E. Dyck

Oh, Christian arise, in the name of the Lord,
Tell the lost He alone can make whole;
Then your friend cannot say at the great bar of God,
No one seemed to care for my soul. —B. B. McKinney

for the overwhelmed saint

2008-07-04T00:51:00.009-04:00

psalm 102

Hear my prayer, O LORD, And let my cry come to You. Do not hide Your face from me in the day of my trouble; Incline Your ear to me; In the day that I call, answer me speedily. For my days are consumed like smoke, And my bones are burned like a hearth. My heart is stricken and withered like grass, So that I forget to eat my bread. Because of the sound of my groaning My bones cling to my skin. I am like a pelican of the wilderness; I am like an owl of the desert. I lie awake, And am like a sparrow alone on the housetop. My enemies reproach me all day long; Those who deride me swear an oath against me. For I have eaten ashes like bread, And mingled my drink with weeping, Because of Your indignation and Your wrath; For You have lifted me up and cast me away. My days are like a shadow that lengthens, And I wither away like grass. But You, O LORD, shall endure forever, and the remembrance of Your name to all generations. You will arise and have mercy on Zion; For the time to favor her, Yes, the set time, has come. For Your servants take pleasure in her stones, And show favor to her dust. So the nations shall fear the name of the LORD, And all the kings of the earth Your glory. For the LORD shall build up Zion; He shall appear in His glory. He shall regard the prayer of the destitute, And shall not despise their prayer. This will be written for the generation to come, That a people yet to be created may praise the LORD. For He looked down from the height of His sanctuary; From heaven the LORD viewed the earth, To hear the groaning of the prisoner, To release those appointed to death, To declare the name of the LORD in Zion, And His praise in Jerusalem, When the peoples are gathered together, And the kingdoms, to serve the LORD. He weakened my strength in the way; He shortened my days. I said, “O my God, Do not take me away in the midst of my days; Your years are throughout all generations. Of old You laid the foundation of the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You will endure; Yes, they will all grow old like a garment; Like a cloak You will change them, And they will be changed. But You are the same, And Your years will have no end. The children of Your servants will continue, And their descendants will be established before You.”

Selah.

i thought that this psalm was just like any other psalm out of all the other 149. but would you believe, that not a single psalm is exactly the same? think about all the different ways the psalmist has cried out in agony of his soul, and yet not one of them is repeated.

for instance, this deeply moved my heart: "vs 7"

....................."I lie awake, and am like a sparrow alone on the housetop."

other than the fact that its 1:05am and i am the only one awake in this little apartment, i have been feeling very lonely. there seems to be this barrier between me and the ones i love. more specifically my family. i cant communicate my feelings very well, and it seems we are all at loss for understanding. i feel like im in my own world. prayer and feasting on the word have definitely made a difference but i still feel the absence of presence. and this can make one feel very overwhelmed by making him/her face all the problems of life on their own.

yet, the fear of being lonely seems never to be a material problem that can simple be faced. fixed. and prevented. it comes and goes on its own, and so now i see the purpose of meditation in Gods words such as these. its to remove those feelings of being left alone! Praise be to Him for this!!

but of course, im also forgetful and apparently the psalmist is too.

seen here: "vs 4"

......"My heart is stricken and withered like grass, so that I forget to eat my bread."

like, wow...

right? personally, i know i have hit those pits where my heart hurts so much that i become feeling sorry for myself and i forget to eat bread, in other words, to feast on the Word of God.

(check out John 8 for those references)

but how tragic! i mess up and then forget to look for help in the one and only place that can satisfy my soul!! im too busy involving myself with other worthless crap that just wastes my time and gives no glory to God! ughhhhh!!!!!!

oh beloved, let us not forget. but let us meditate on this and other wonderful truths sent from the Master Creator himself. for what a wonderful Master-Piece he has made.

self discovery

2008-06-17T22:03:00.002-04:00

I've come across some new ideas this past month. By the way, its only 1 of 3, need I remind us all that this summer is already over, that part just hasn't happened yet. But yeah, I've been thinking. When I'm alone in my thoughts forgotten matters just kinda pop in my head. Like: what am i doing with my life, can i really make a difference in someone elses, and do i know who God is? not easy ones, but im a skeptic so i usually end up finding more solutions than answers. This summer is an identity process to me, partly because i think that the school year was more of a learning experience regarding the new outside. Now away from all of that new outside, I have to make the old inside right again. I decided that I want to learn and discipline myself to learn. I chose a few books to read this summer and already, I feel a little different. This one I finished a couple weeks ago is called Blue Like Jazz. I find myself connecting with the author, Donald Miller in so many different ways, since the book is already kind of a tale of his own self discovery. His pattern shows his own process in learning to behave more and more like Christ in that his relationships with people seem to change from sort of an ignorant life to having a stronger love for his "neighbors". Thats what Jesus is all about ya know. It's what He does, He loves you to death. Literally. It seems that the more we understand God, the more we understand ourselves, because He already knows us better than we do anyways. But again, this is a life long process, not something easily attained but something that needs focus, devotion, and determination. Here's some Bible verses from some people at the begginning of their journey and one of a man just minutes from his death....

I shall see him, but not now: I shall behold him, but not nigh Numbers 24:17

And said, Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God. Acts 7:56

...what a crazy thing it is, this life, but all for the Glory of One right? Can't beat that. God bless all of you on your journeys.

nightingale

2008-06-07T21:34:00.005-04:00

i sat in the dark, unlit room staring into a grey sky that was accompanied by a few colors. the sun set farther west than i could see but night was coming. as the blacks got blacker and lights less light the wind grew into this deep swirl from what it began as only a breeze. i wondered if it would stop but it didn't. it just grew and grew and grew. the trees began to bend and i could see no more colors now. just the deep blue hue of the clouds against a haunting forest. it rained. and it rained not just water, but bright flashes of light came down and struck the earth with a tremendous force that maintained resonance in a musical way. but i left the windows open, and the wind and rain hit my floor till the whole room became damp. everything else inside seemed to sway with each gust of storm and crack with each clap of thunder. i wondered how long it could last. but just as i thought it was beginning, it ended. yet the storm brought no rainbow, because all light had escaped the wrath of it, and all that was left was darkness. that is, until the morning,..

Up and Up

2008-05-25T12:25:00.002-04:00

"Yesterday is not quite what it could've been as were most of all the days before. But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in I'll be trying to make it so much more. Cause it seems I get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong. And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see, what you see. And though I'm finally catching onto it and now the past is just a conduit and the light there at the end is where I'll be. Cause I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up and I haven't given up given up on what I know I'm capable of. And I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up. Yeah there's nothing left to prove. Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you. A better version of me for you. To be prosperous would not require much of me you see contentment is the one thing it entails. To be content with where I am and getting where I need to be I'm moving past the past where I have failed. But I'm finally catching onto it and now the past is just a conduit. Right there at the end is where I'll be. Oh! Cause I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up. And I haven't given up given up on what. What I've gained from love. And I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up. Yeah there's nothing left to prove. Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you. A better version of me for you. You never cease to supply me with what I need for a good life. So when I'm down I'll hold my head up high cause you're the reason why. I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up. And I haven't given up given up on what. What I've gained from love. And I'm on the up and up I'm on the up and up. Yeah there's nothing left to prove. Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you. Trying to be a better version of me for you."

----Relient K

park place

2008-05-21T15:35:00.005-04:00

It was supposed to be sunny today, and I just recently refurnished my dad's old vintage road bike. I guess I decided this would be a perfect time to take it for a spin. I went down to the beach where theres this body of water called Hempstead Harbor, its small, dirty, and its kind of disgusting. This is Long Island we're talking about. The place thats so frickin crowded that it can take hours to drive 30 miles. There are barges everywhere with all these power plants and what not, and it does kind of ruin the aura of the place. So I took my bike and went down there anyways, because along this beach there is a cliff, and at one of the highest points along the water there is a beautiful park called Prospect park. It looks over the mouth of Hempstead Harbor and over Long Island Sound towards Connecticut. This day was especially clear so you could see across pretty well. I brought this book that I'm just finishing called "Blue Like Jazz". It's a real attention getter, and by that I don't necessarily mean that its hard to put down. It's got a lot of profound thoughts on christian spirituality in it. Not christian religion. Because there's a big difference. But anyways I go there to read. I think a lot of people would like this park. It really is beautiful, especially with the sunset on summer evenings. But its also quiet and is a great place to sit and think sometimes. I love the beautiful oasis' that have been placed all around us. Just away from all the chaos that can seem so hard to get away from. We don't even notice these places sometimes, which is funny because that's why we need to just stop what we're doing and relax every now and then.

faith enough

2008-05-20T18:57:00.007-04:00

Numbers 13 is a tale of faith. The people are once again confronted with an obstacle and they need to overcome it. But this situation is special, because the desired outcome provides a bright future in a new land. A city is to be taken and 12 spies are sent out to plan a strategy and to observe the fruit of the land itself. They find grapes...and a lot of them, but they also found that the land was inhabited by giants. It becomes a struggle when 10 men decide that trying to take the land is a bad idea, with just two others left to fend for their own argument, the belief that God will provide them with the strength to take the city.

That's the gist of the chapter.

This hits home on so many different levels, but what's most interesting is how directly this can apply to our lives. The ten men that saw the giants completely forgot that it wasn't them alone that would face their enemies. No, it wasn't even their idea to take the land in the first place! So how could they possibly think that these so-called "giants" were more powerful than God himself? They didn't see what was beyond their enemies. They were too blind to see the fruit of that land that was even described as "flowing with milk and honey" (vs 27). The other two, who were named Caleb and Joshua, remembered that it was God who had taken them to this conflict and it was God who would guide them through it and onto victory.

Jesus said in the gospels that "if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matt 17:20) A mustard seed by the way is just about as small a seeds come, but it grows a pretty darn big tree. And that's all we need, isn't that amazing? We just have to believe that He will help us in any given situation, and there He'll be, right by our side. There may not be a need for us to move Mount Everest in our everyday life, but it does have huge symbolic relevance. We approach mountains all the time, whether they be paying off loans, meeting new people, or just driving to work. But all it takes to get over those mountains is a little faith, and the hope of having God right next to us when we go.

Jesus is the perfect example of how we should see ahead of our problems to how God will solve them. His life was a mission of salvation for us, but it is written that he, "...who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb 12:2). Jesus was beaten and scourged in the city of Jerusalem just minutes before he was crucified. But what the people who were screaming taunts at him didn't know, was that he was exactly where he wanted to be. He was in total control of the situation, and he knew he would be placed in full glory in just a matter of days, sitting at his Father's right hand. Paul also writes in Philippians, "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14) I can't think of a better way to approach it. It can be easy to forget that God is always with us, but as long as we get through each day with open eyes we'll be able to see that he has great things planned for us in the moments to come.

free-verse

2008-05-11T22:45:00.003-04:00

Rain Rain Rain.
I love your sound.
That pound on the ground
and how you even make lost things found.
See this type of weather
has the power to re-deliver,
by washing away the old. and revealing the new.
See this is a lot, like his blood.
And like a ffffffffffffffflood,
I want to be drowned
and to be had surrounded in that love.
Because nothing else ever really mattered
and I would even rather,
drown for reall.
than even just get to feel.
what it would be like to close, THAT deal.
You know what I mean?
Because all we have to do is BELIEVE.
BE. LEAVE.
BELEAVE.
since once we do we are gonna be LEAving
that place of sin, and hurt, and sadness.
Nothing less.
and don't guess.
just believe that he loves you.

2008-05-07T15:28:00.004-04:00

Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. --- Romans 13:8

In May 2006, a man set out from base camp to make his third attempt on Mount Everest. He actually reached the summit, but on his way down he ran out of oxygen. As he lay on the side of the mountain dying, 40 climbers passed him by.
Some say that at such oxygen-deprived altitudes, rescues are too perilous. But others say that climbers are too eager to reach the top and too selfish to help those in trouble.
I wonder what would have happened if someone who passed that stricken climber had said, “I will treat him the way I want to be treated.”

In Matthew 7:12, the golden rule, Jesus gave His disciples the secret to fulfilling the entire Old Testament relational regulations—love others and live for their benefit. He said this in the larger context of all the radical principles that He had taught up to this point in His sermon (5:17–7:11).
As difficult as it is to live for the benefit of others, Jesus knew His followers could consistently live out this ethic as they drew strength from a righteousness that went beyond duty and outward conformity to rules (5:20). It is a righteousness that can come only from God Himself.
If we are Jesus-followers, let’s walk in His steps—loving others and living for their benefit.

— Marvin Williams

Love is an attitude, love is a prayer
For someone in sorrow, a heart in despair;
Love is good will for the gain of another,
Love suffers long with the fault of a brother.
Love is the debt we owe one another. —Anon.

2008-04-27T21:43:00.005-04:00

I heard a story about a boy today. His father found him sitting on his bed with his Bible in front of him and tears were streaming down the childs face. When the father asked him why he was crying the boy simply replied, "Dad, the Lord is so real".
I can feel this way some times (not as often as I should or would like to), but its so much more powerful to hear the story of others be told. The deep conviction in a soul tells so much of the link between their heart and God's. Sometimes, during a sunday morning sermon the preacher's voice breaks up and he starts to feel that same conviction. The true power of the Love of Jesus felt on our hearts. I guess we'll never fully understand the power of that love until that day when we see him face to face.

What love it was that brought Thee down,
Down to the depths in which I lay,
That made Thee leave Thy glory throne,
In servants form to tread thy way;
Yet lower still to death to go,
That I might never judgment know. - M. A. Kidder

God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

smOke

2008-04-03T02:27:00.006-04:00

smoke seeks its own surface quietly
never flattening
but it spreads, and then is gone

rain waters
tell me your story
and how your downfall helped spread life
you are an interesting spectra

if you were anything else i wouldnt be here

the music is on
but, I don't hear anything
my ears still bleed
what a coincidence
or is that irony?

they always love the sunny days on the outside
and the rainy ones from within
but try a rainy day outside and experience
the liquid sunshine that you've been missing

listen heavy

2008-03-29T22:53:00.007-04:00

simple reality is simply real
nothing is quiet
peace is always absent

am i slowing down? or going down...
am i reaching out? or shouting out...

wherever there is love there is life
wherever there is light there is life
wherever there is peace there is life

breaTHE air

2008-03-28T18:10:00.003-04:00

oh to be original
far from the typical
away from hypothetical
and not stereotypical

there's sweetness in being genuine
but lately i really havent been
its the habit of this sin im in
it seems i just can't ever win

even though we're walking pictures
just talking fixtures
standing out in a mixutre
being a smooth kind of texture

but im getting better
and so is this weather
im not flying on a feather
but soon, ill get it together...

Into The Wild

2008-03-09T13:15:00.006-04:00

-I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.

-Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

-Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.

-If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.

-The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences.

-What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?

-You don't need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us.

-Happiness only real when shared.

--Christopher McCandless (Alexander Supertramp)--

I read the book when I was in middle school and I absolutely fell in love with the idea of running away. I really had nothing to run away from except a cozy family and some sort of "future". But the freedom with endless possibility was like the biggest present under the Christmas tree, unknown and unbound. I started to read this genre of journeys a lot more. Books like The Call of the Wild, and the My Side of the Mountain series were what intruiged me most. These weren't just non-fictional tales of adventure, they were the beginnings of a time when a person took his life into his own hands and did with it what he willed. Ah such freedom.

I saw the movie version of Jon Krakauer's book "Into the Wild" a couple days ago.

Now 10 some odd years later, I find a closer realtion to Christopher McCandless, getting a deeper understanding for what he was feeling and how he progressed on his journey to Alaska. I am happy in his defiance.

But I am sorry for him at the same time.

The movie is thrilling, but don't take my word for it. Go see this one for yourself.
I guarentee you'll love how it changes you.

exhausted

2008-02-22T10:35:00.004-05:00

they think they're alone..

Since they are not acting like they should.
Who are they? Don't you know them?
They're from a place where people know good and don't do it, and they spend most of this time looking for answers.
Their friends give advice but take the confidence away.
While they keep forgetting to look for the Truth, they become so depressed, and slowly sink.

Everyone has their Someone.
A history made with probability and fate.
Theres no one else to look to with trust,
but Jesus.
And this they forget, which is why they are so
depressed.

Can't you just relax for one minute.
It's so hard for them to keep up.
Take a break and just get away.
For at least one day.
Forget your place, move away and take your love else where.

Lunar Eclipse (enhanced)

2008-02-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Love is Love

2008-02-14T19:40:00.003-05:00

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYloveYYYloveYYYY
YYYlove isYYlove isYYYY
YYYlove isYYlove isYYYY
YYYYlove is love isYYYYY
YYYYYlove is loveYYYYY
YYYYYYlove isYYYYYY
YYYYYY love YYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

september

2008-02-11T12:18:00.000-05:00

the warm weather doesn't last forever
but the same sweater keeps me together
its like there is nothin better
such a fine written letter just for you and me

but alas all is past
and although the number of my problems is so vast
that i can't grasp what it is i need to do,
He always gets me through

hey come on now
He says "It's all fine"
no reason to cry a whine or be sad for a time
the world is has always will be full of crime

so for now just remember we're in september
and although the summer is ending
and winter is there pending
our lives are always rending
still He'll be here, never to stop mending

and even soon this will all be over
pretty soon you'll feel like a 4 leaf clover
with not one care because you know that there
is an end to all of this
and a beginning to eternal bliss
just know now that He has and will forever exist.

lionS of the Sky

2008-02-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

look at a their lifetime on a timeline
i don't enjoy any good days
because i shortly for-get them
and fall, to depression

its a vicious cycle, I turn
but feel like I'm always being watched
scarcely scary
rarely wary

my eyes are broken
and my dry dirt tears are chokin
the tides are ever decaying
the sky always graying

these cries pervade out in the darkness
some are sad and some are angry, but others are light
and float away like a feather
bringing soft comfort to some, and gathering others together

i know Your love
its etched in blood on my heart
but in my unacceptable ignorance i forget,
i know it right after the start

its a crucial part of the day
to remain silent and understand wisdom
beginning with the end doesn't apply to
further understanding the kingdom

flying out to inner space
with one wing and hand of grace
lead me up into the wild blue yonder
getting closer to seeing Your face

1st Peter 2

2008-02-01T01:44:00.000-05:00

1 Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking,
2 as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby,
3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.
4 Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious,
5 you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
6 Therefore it is also contained in the Scripture, “ Behold, I lay in Zion a chief cornerstone, elect, precious, and he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame.”
7 Therefore, to you who believe, He is precious; but to those who are disobedient, “The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone,”
8 and “ A stone of stumbling and a rock of offense."
They stumble, being disobedient to the word, to which they also were appointed.
9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;
10 who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.
11 Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul,
12 having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.
13 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme,
14 or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.
15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men—
16 as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God.
17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 “Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth”;
23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;
24 who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

the crack in a path

2008-01-22T00:08:00.000-05:00

im sitting at a desk right now, staring at my words come on to a screen. sometimes they don't mean anything like, la la la la. that doesn't really mean anything but its taking up space. its kind of like when you're in class and your teacher makes the kids keep journals and during class time you have to write things but you can't ever stop writing even if your thoughts fail you.

im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog im writing on my blog...nothing to say.

but theres always something going on in my head, its pretty neat when you think about it. our brain never stops thinking and our heart never stops beating.

in a way, i think the artist seperates the two, and thats why their work is so beaUtiful.

the brain gives the idea (lyrics)
and the heart sets the beat (music)

you can have music with out lyrics
you can have lyrics without music

artists do the impossible because you could never have a brain without a beating heart, and you could never have a heart without a thinking brain.

p.s. inspired by "Explosions in the Sky"

Wednesday, January 16

2008-01-17T00:11:00.001-05:00

He that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emrald.
Revelation 4:3

Here on earth, we never see a complete rainbow - the things of earth obscure it. Bit in Heaven, we're told, the rainbow is "round about" the throne. In the Glory, there will be nothing of earth to block the view and we shall see the rainbow, the thorne and its blessed Occupant clearly and distinctly. What a day that will be!
- Audrey Fiebig

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We'll sing and shout the victory! - Eliza Edmunds Hewitt

Fiery Urgency

2008-01-14T20:43:00.000-05:00

verse A
why can't i be tired
why can't i be upset
why can't i lose my temper
why can't i feel regret

why can't i feel urgent
why can't i feel depressed
why can't i feel bent
why can't i do my best

chorus A
sometimes i want to scream
as loud as i can
to say what i mean
to crash up a new plan
the impossible stability
never to be reached
unless i seek willingly
the bounds to be breached

verse B
why can't i feel lonely
why can't i feel confused
why can't i speak boldly
why do i feel so abused

and why do i feel so heartbroken
why do i feel the need
the aspect of the spoken
yeah can't you see?

chorus B
sometimes we want to scream
as loud as we can
to say what we mean
to crash up a new plan
the impossible stability
never to be reached
unless we seek willingly
those bounds, waiting to be breached

bridge
its nothing short of losing our minds
but at this point its just a big mistake
a confused and corrupt old head that blinds
its time to get awake!

chorus FINAL
someday we will scream
as loud as we can
to say what we mean
to crash up a new plan
the impossible stability
is going to be reached
when we seek willingly
those bounds, waiting
waiting (5x)

to be breached

beauty sleep

2008-01-13T17:07:00.000-05:00

i realize

i understand

we sleep and we call this beautiful

but when we wake up we see our ugly appearance

we look horrible, we need to fix this

take a shower, shave, whatever

its funny how this is analogous to life

when we were innocent we "slept" beautifully

but when we (hopefully) wake up and realize how we look

and understand that we need to "shower"

and just clean up our appearance

thank God there is living water that we need

to make us completely clean.

On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.

John 7:37-38

what i've heard from THE WORD

2008-01-10T00:14:00.000-05:00

i am listening

and I am not here because
you told Me to come
since I've always been there
but for now, just stay in the present

sing to Me in your thoughts,
read to Me in your photographs,
and speak to Me in your songs.

I am listening

the wind blows hard friend
and the ground quakes beneath
you and I
we know this, its a part of your life

you need to share
these automatic outlets of your emotion
you need to expound
upon the ever breathing
the ever shining
the ever feeling of Your existence

let Me help

I am here to help

I am listening

alleluia

2008-01-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

theres always a time
and a place for this rhyme
each person fits his own kind
don’t worry
He’ll give you a sign
when you find the right gal or guy
look to the sky
and with your open heart
cry cry cry
screams of praise for
days days days
and raise the haze off these
tried and fried
cold and old eyes
live it true
seek it through
He vouches for you
and you and I both knew
that He would do
what an awesome God’s gotta do
what can I say
today’s the day
with Him here to stay
forever more and more forever
of course this is ok
cause when there’s a will theres a way
since Jesus didn’t want us to be...away
and we're the prize possession
with no pretention
of Hell or damnation
and theres no question
about it or anything within mention

alleluia, alleluia
Praise His Wonderful Name

More than Perfect

2008-01-08T14:41:00.000-05:00

less than perfect love
is all I can offer
there is such a thing as the opposite
by that of course I mean more than perfect love
just seek, and you’ll find it
you cant buy it
but you can have it
no matter what you say
you’ll be blown away
you’ll love him for it
1 john 4:18-19

Ms.

2008-01-03T21:58:00.000-05:00

(vs1)

there's something so tired about these mistakes

exhaustion, consumption, and de-lib-i-tation

all make this body feel like its 'bout to break

(vs2)

i know we don't mean it cause that would be wierd

if people thought that hurting themselves was a good idea

but i just wish my heart didn't feel so seared

(chs)

there's got to be something important to this madness

the insanity to my life has to have some purposefulness

but at least i know He's got a plan behind all my worries and miss,

i hope you find the right one, i know you'll find the right one someday

(vs3)

i want you to be happy

even though that's what they always say

but i mean it with utmost sincerity

and ill be there for you, starting...today

(chsx2)

there's got to be something important to this madness

the insanity to my life has to have some purposefulness

but at least i know He's got a plan behind all my worries and miss,

i hope you find the right one, i know you'll find the right one someday

that thing called love

2008-01-02T11:34:00.000-05:00

(vs1)
i always pictured you and me dancing on a pattern
day after day, our relationship becomes more modern
and although we'd never see those old days return
we would always be saying that we couldn't imagine someone else

(vs2)
now theres always of course gonna be the hard times
and i would never try to tell, try to tell you that sometimes
they shouldnt be happening, cause that would just add to my crimes but
we would always be saying that we couldn't imagine someone else

(chs)
you know that thing called love, im in it
and i just cant figure out the unit
on how to go measuring till finished
the way of how much you mean to me

(vs3)
now there's no way in the world that i couldn't try to be more sincere
you know that i wish so much, so very very much that you were here
but if this was not right, i don't mean any pressure, 'cause i don't want you to live in fear
'cause im always saying that i couldn't imagine somebody else

(chs)
you know that thing called love, im in it
and i just cant figure out the unit
on how to go measuring till i'm finished
the way of how much you mean to me

(brg)
i can not grow you a pair of angel wings
although they'd fit on you pretty well
but i can make you feel like you're flying
and i'll be there
but when i'm not
He's there
to bring us back and to keep us from crying

(chsx2)
you know that thing called love, im in it
and i just cant figure out the unit
on how to go measuring till i'm finished
the way of how much you mean to me

Live Alive

2007-12-30T23:13:00.000-05:00

aren't we all part of this perfect chaos
a routine that slithers through time
we take each day carryin our cross
and yet were each others partner in crime

the rock of my spirit is and has always been
a foundation tryin to reach high potentials
but its sad to see that i can be selfish within
when im tryin to get by with the bare essentials

live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee

every night i try to go to sleep
i find myself awake with thoughts of regret
why does this worry of hate lie so deep
and these feelings of evil pose such a harsh threat

we're gonna be hated for who we are
but no reason to feel guilty
we're advocates of peace not war
just remember His loyalty

live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee
live aliveeeeeeee

Sight to Behold by Eisley

2007-12-30T16:49:00.000-05:00

-------Eisley-------

Could I be possibly insane
To think you and I have life figured out
And how does one approach this
When all our past loves have let us down

Let's break the walls down
And find how to live
'Cause you and I have
So much to give

I know that I have taken things
I've taken things
I had for granted
I know this one thing's for sure
I won't let you ever walk out my door

We are forming a sight to behold
We hold forever and ever
Let's break the walls down
And find how to live
'Cause you and I have
So much to give

Let's break the walls down
And find how to live
'Cause you and I have
So much to give

-------Eisley-------

the fading

2007-12-27T21:37:00.001-05:00

i spent some time with some people today. they were the aunt and uncle of my mother. at their ripe old ages they had so many things to say. stories to tell. purposes to divulge. but it was quiet and mumbled. the thirties were a time when things were built and lives were simple. the depression, the war, wars, and civil rights movements happened, then they entered the computer age. today. they had trouble speaking their stories, because it seems like our technology, our world, has left them behind.

can you imagine how simple things were then?? i mean, you went to school, to get a job, to provide for a family, to live and die. is that what its like today? certainly not! these days there are so many more people, so much more competition, so much more pain and rejection because someone can do what you do, better. and you're out of a job. now this is kind of steepest in the conditions but it happens. imagine what things would have been like if we hadn't gotten on this technological accelerator.

imagine.

the stories that i heard my elders communicate to me formed an interesting hi-story. but i had to find the missing pieces. the mind is a terrible thing to lose. hopefully the stories we have will last till our end of days. i'm afraid of the future. it could bring something terrible.

Achromatic Carousal

2007-12-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

Let's talk about what we're here to celebrate...

"For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:11

Simply put.

This is the day we remember the One who was born to die.
Whose very life purpose was to die for your sins and mine, according to what the old testament had prophesied hundreds of years earlier.

What did you do today?

How did you remember?

I for one can't really say that I did, but I tried to have a little talk with my unsaved relatives, trying to point these things out to them.

When we look at what the majority of the world sees Christmas as today however, all we can really see is this big day that represents a boost for the economy.

Some time to save money on getting people what they want.

Their temporary happiness.

Their instant gratification.

I know this may sound cynical, the traditions and all are nice when we get together with familes.

I know!

It is nice.

But the way I see it, these things that I've come to be "given" for this day, aren't mine to begin with.

God owns me (redeemptively) and everything around me.

We've all been bought with the precious blood of his son Jesus Christ.

500 years from now, what difference will they make anyway?

The difference is in the souls that the Holy Spirit has touched through me.

That's what's important.

Just think about it.

indigo conviviality

2007-12-24T16:00:00.002-05:00

i had to explain the meaning of things
everything has pain but the beach always sings.

and when it speaks something
each part fits together
with the movement of swing
and the sound of the weather.

yet it seems something is strange about it
beauty is always so hard to find
how can this be so perfect
is it something made up in my mind?

happily ever after
written in the skies
looks me in the eye
i can't help but see lies.

2007-12-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

simply put, the true meaning of christmas

scarlet fervor

2007-12-23T22:34:00.001-05:00

could we with ink the ocean fill
and were the skies of parchment made
were every stalk on earth a quill
and every man a scribe by trade
to write the love of God above
would drain the ocean dry
nor could the scroll contain the whole
tho streched from sky to sky

- Meir Ben Isaac Nehoral (1050)

"And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen." John 21:25

Jars Of Clay - Faith Enough

2007-12-23T15:26:00.000-05:00

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind
And see enough to know I'm blind

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight
Should the world rely on faith tonight

pink feeling

2007-12-23T14:56:00.000-05:00

theres just something about running on rooftops
its speaks the sky and all the words it can fathom
like trying to fly, running all your might till the edge
appears

my name rhymes with a cloud
just thinking of what it might be like to float away
soar over the pains and fears that keep me inside and just
disappear

theres gotta be a way, 'cause when theres a will
just gotta try and get rid of this weak body
this pen that holds me down keeping me
bound

im sure you understand these things on how
the birds in the air, the leaves in the wind
they fly away oh how i long to be
free

white peace

2007-12-23T13:03:00.000-05:00

"Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it."
Matthew 13:46

"For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich." - 2 Corinthians 8:9

one of the elders at my church shared this combination of scripture during the worship service this morning and i thought i might share it. its so amazing to see that Jesus gave his life for us, as in selling all that he had; he became poor. he has bought us with a price, the price of his own blood. but in turn has made us rich with the power of his salvation so that we could spend eternity with him.

2007-12-21T19:11:00.000-05:00

~q~
ddd
hih
lml
gpg
aaa
rrr
wew
453
-_-
sss
yxy
GFG
NNN
X OW

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